Say Yes to the Dress!!

My 4 year old daughter is in the "Princess" stage and everything seems fascinating about being a princess, looking like a princess and dressing like a princess. So with those ideas fresh in her mind she asked me where my princess dress was the other night. I was a little confused by this question and told her I did not have a princess dress, but her response was.."Mom of course you have a princess dress!! The day you married Daddy...duh..." And as I listen to her I start to laugh and say.."Do you mean my wedding dress?" and she says.."Yes, where is it?" I thought this would be an easy one to deal with and so I answered.."It is in the basement in the cedar closet" Her eyes became wide with excitement and the amazement that this "Magical" dress actually existed and was in the house! Now I was in trouble for sure because this will not go away easily. And I knew what was coming next as she jumped up and down with sheer glee.."Can I see it??" And at this point it was past bed time and I was in no mood so I answered.."Maybe this weekend I will bring it out and show you, but not right now it is bed time." But no...not happening..not a chance this was ending. So I will spare you the details (and I am well aware I am the adult and I am in charge. and I can say no..blah blah blah..) but some how after much negotiating and me just wanting my head on my pillow, my wedding dress was upstairs and now hanging in my closet inside the protective dress bag it had been placed in years ago. My daughter went to sleep with a smile on her face and with the image of the "Magical" dress close by. I knew I was in trouble but I went to sleep hoping for the best.

The next morning only brought more excitement and more begging and more negotiating. I had to get ready for work and a training I was giving that morning so I let her unzip the bag and look at my Princess dress and play with the veil and gloves. She was in Princess Heaven and it was cute to see her so excited picturing her Mommy and Daddy getting married, again what was the harm? I should know better by now that nothing is easy with my daughter and if I give an inch she wants a mile! So I am running through my morning routine and things are pretty smooth and maybe I will be on time for once. I run upstairs to get dressed and head out to work. I enter my closet to find my 4 year old waiting for me with a devilish grin and she says "Mom just put on your Princess dress quick before you leave!" And I look at her with horror and say "I do not have time right now, I have to get to work and I told you I would show you but not that I was putting it on, you can look at our wedding album with Daddy while I am at work." But that was not going to fly at all..she shut the closet door and continued, "Please put it on..really quick..please..please..please..it will take 5 minutes then you can go to work...promise...promise..promise.." Good lord!! I was so irritated by now and going to be late..so of course I did the most logical thing....wait for it....I put on my wedding dress. Just another normal day in my life!

So I put on my wedding dress as my daughter watched and asked a million questions about my wedding day. She helped me with my veil, gloves, shoes and of course the little jacket I had to go with my dress. I have to admit it was really fun thinking about the day I did get ready and seeing my daughter's face watching me. And so the questions continued.."Mom you do not have a bra on? Did Dad know you were not wearing a bra when you married him?" I did not have time to answer her questions because she opened the closet door and took off. So I stood there in my wedding dress (My Princess Dress) as my husband looked at me like I had lost my mind (has he met me yet? of course I have lost my mind!) he then asked me "Don't you have to work and I thought you had a training to be at?" I told him "Yes I have to be at work and I will have to tell my boss I was late because I was trying on my wedding dress!" He just shook his head as our daughter came running back in with my iPhone and started to take pictures of me and asked me to pose and walk around.  She then said "Daddy doesn't Mommy look beautiful? Can you believe she still fits in her wedding dress!" And with that my husband started laughing and said.."I would hope she still fit in her wedding dress!" (Okay it did fit great! Did I mention I was 5 months pregnant with her brother when we got married...details..details..I looked great!!) So I had to take off the dress and get to work. And yes I was late!

I had to say Yes to the dress and give my daughter some real life Princess magic!!!

There is no Mommy Manual for this...

I have been quiet and at a loss for words the last few days. I feel that I need to write this blog and maybe I will not post and maybe I will delete at the end but I feel I need to talk about this. It is a very serious subject and out of my comfort zone but as a Mom nobody said it would be easy raising kids. I do not feel right posting my funny blogs at this time. So I write what is in my heart at this time.

There is definitely no Mommy manual or chapter in the What to Expect?? that tells you how to prepare for this. And if there was, it would still not help and you would still not be prepared.

I was walking my 40 mile Avon Breast Cancer walk last weekend and I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I was on my second day and was 30 miles into the 40 miles and working on limited sleep from the last 2 days when I received the news. I had stopped at one of the rest stops to regroup and I checked my phone to see if my home had called or sent any messages... when I saw a message from a friend to call marked urgent. I sat down and called her before I continued my walk. That is when I found out that one of my son's friends and teammate had tragically passed away that morning and she wanted me to know so I could tell him before the word spread. I was still sitting down on the grass in shock with tears streaming down my face with a million thoughts racing through my head. The first thought was his mother and as I pictured her hearing the news it became harder to breathe. I wanted to be home so bad and I did not want to finish the 10 miles I had ahead of me.

 I called my husband and woke him to tell him and let him know that my next call was to my son. My husband said he would walk down the hall and wake him to tell him, but I was insistent that it was going to be me. I almost became angry and protective like a wild animal protecting her cub. My brain was screaming he needs his Mom to tell him. I knew it would not be easy but I wanted to carry that burden as his mother. I told my husband to hug my other son and daughter and tell them how much I love them and I would be home as soon as I could. I called my oldest son and woke him from his teenage weekend slumber and I began slowly "Sorry to wake you but I have something to tell you.." and he said "What is it Mom?" I continued with "I hate to have to tell you this, but I wanted you to hear it from me first." and he was fully awake now asking "Mom what is it? You are scaring me.." and so I said it.."Your "friend" passed away this morning" and I explained how. There was silence for a few seconds and he asked with his voice shaking.."Is this for real?" And I said, "Yes it is real, I wish it was not, but it is true" and then I could hear the panic rise in his voice "Why? Why would he do that? Oh My God! Oh My God!" I gave him some time before I spoke.."Again I wanted you to hear it from me, I love you so much and I will be home later. Call me if you need me and I am so sorry!" He told me he loved me and we hung up. I still stayed sitting on the ground crying as people walked by assuming I was in pain from the walk and blisters. I wanted to be there more then anything to hug my son and hold him like I did when he was little. It broke my heart to hear my son's voice cracking and shaking from trying to hold back the river of emotions that I knew was rising and about to spill over into tears. The kind of tears that have not come in some time and do not come often anymore at  the age of 16 in his teenage years. I pictured my son who looks like a man, but still is a little boy inside with a little boy brain and little boy heart breaking. I stood up to pull myself together and finish my walk. I sent my son a text "I love you!!" and he sent one back "I know you do Mom.. Thank you..I love you too!"

I kept walking and thinking of how as Mothers we vow to protect our kids from harm and when our kids hurt we want to take that pain from them. I remember after the birth of each of my three kids when I was finally sitting alone holding them in my arms. I would lean in and whisper in their tiny ears as they slept that I would never let anything or anyone hurt them...ever!! And I meant ever!! I know it seems impossible to make that happen as a Mother, but we Mothers mean it with every fiber in our bodies. I know their pain because it fills me up to the point where my heart honestly aches and I have the choked up feeling in my throat and it hurts to breathe and the tears sit in the back of my eyes ready to spill out...every time one of my children are sick or sad or hurting for any reason..Mothers feel that pain. So as I finished my walk it was harder and harder to breathe. There was a lump in my throat that made it hard to swallow and my heart hurt. I found out later that as I walked and as the pain grew my son and his friends were getting together to comfort one another and talk and hug each other and cry for their lost friend. Once I gave the news to my son he contacted his friends and they met for breakfast and needed to be together. They just needed to be together. I knew without a doubt that day and the days to come that it is not just a saying that Moms hurt when their kids hurt, because I have never felt such deep pain and sorrow.

I watched my son and his football teammates gather this week and give true meaning to the word "Team". They never left each others sides. They never judged each other for crying and for needing hugs or just needing to talk. They were mature beyond their years to handle this situation and sorrow.  They made me proud beyond words to watch them march in as a team side by side in their jerseys to say goodbye to their friend and teammate. And words can never describe them each offering their words and comfort to a grieving mother and hugging her as if she was their own Mother.

It has been a sad week and I just keep hugging my son and telling him I love him. I told my son not be alarmed if he wakes up in the middle of the night and finds me sitting in the dark watching him sleep, because that is what I have been doing this week. I wake up and need to check on all my kids and be Thankful they are sleeping in their beds.

So this week reminded me as a Mother to not sweat the small stuff...it really does not matter and you can never hug your kids enough!!!

What Would you Do??

One of my favorite shows is Dateline "What Would you Do?" with John Quinones. My favorite part is when the people are confronted by John and his crew after they basically decide to stand by and not help a person who needs it. And the show makes some of these scenarios so over the top that how could anyone not stop and help?  People just look in horror but keep on walking. So John walks up to the people and says "Why did you not want to help that child? Did you not think that woman was in danger? Why did you keep walking?"  And the people always say they did not think it was their place or their business to get involved. I always think to myself that I would be mortified if I had a camera crew watching me not help someone and then approach me and have it on National TV, I have enough "Mommy Guilt" I do not need anymore guilt! So I am always ready to react and jump in to help so I am the hero on "What Would you Do?" You never know!

So where is the number one place I always think John Quinones and his crew are waiting and lurking? My most dreaded place!! The Park! This is the land of OPK's (Other Peoples Kids) running around with little to no supervision half the time. I cannot tell most times which kid belongs with which adult and they always seem to find me and think I am willing and able to play with all of them .Most of these parents think going to the Park means they can sit and relax and let their children run wild inside a fenced in area. Some parents even sit in their car and watch from there if the kids are a little older. So the other day was no different. It was finally nice out and the sun was shining so I took the kids to the park against my better judgement to let them run around. Of course I am not even there five minutes before the OPK's find me and are latched on. I am helping my 4 year old daughter with the monkey bars when I then have 3 other kids waiting in line for me to also help them. I always look around to see where their parents might be because I always feel weird picking up kids I don't know. Some parents might not want me to be helping their kids. I always try to avoid them and tell them I need to chase after my 4 year old. Or I suggest to them to go ask their parents to help them. Sometimes that will work but most times they keep following me.

This afternoon there was the sweetest, tiniest little girl following me and she wanted to play with my daughter. I kept looking for her mother, father, grandparent or babysitter. Anyone? I could not understand how this little girl could have nobody with her. I keep looking around as she is glued to us and I think this could be it, this could be my shining moment! I might be on 'What would you do?" First I am horrified of what I look like and that I could be on TV looking like this (I know I am crazy) but I just stay focused. I keep talking to the little girl and making sure she is safe as she climbs up on everything following my daughter. Then another little girl approaches and tells me that is her sister, and I think this is getting even better..and I go with it as she tells me her story.."That is my sister and she is 3 years old and I am 5 years old" and then she points to another girl and says "That is our friend and she is 7 and she came with us." As I listen to her I finally have to ask "Who are you here with? Your Mom or Dad?" And the girl answers "My Mom, she is over there in the parking lot with her friend." And I look in the direction she pointed and see a woman standing next to a truck smoking and talking with someone inside the truck.

 I have now been at the park for almost a half hour and have not seen this woman once and she has not left the parking lot to check on her kids or even better the other girl she brought with her. I am not in the running for Mother of the Year, but I am shocked this woman does not even care to watch her little girls. I remind myself that this has to be a set up and they are making sure that it is as over the top as possible to see how people would react. So I start to think about what I should do. The girls continue to ask me to help them on the monkey bars and the swings and ask me to chase them and play tag. I cannot believe this mother has not even taken the time to look over her shoulder once to check on her girls. She keeps on smoking and talking. Now it is almost time for me to leave but I cannot leave these girls alone because their mother is not watching them at all. I need to make sure they are safe and I need to get ready for John Quinones and his crew to approach me and tell me how nice it was for me to take care of these girls and make sure they were safe and then introduce me to the "Mother" who really is an actress and all is good! Okay not so much. 

I finally have to tell the girls we need to leave and I decide to walk the girls over to their mother and let her know that we were leaving and they had been playing with my daughter. I think this will let the woman know that she now needs to remember she has 3 little girls with her and pay attention. I approach the woman with her girls and they run up to her and tell her how much fun they have had playing with me and my daughter. She looks at me and says "Thanks for watching them, I am so tired and have had the worst week and needed a break." I am standing in shock for a few seconds with a plastered smile on my face as she tells the girls to get in their car next to the truck because it was time to leave. I say goodbye to the girls and as I walk away no camera crews were coming out of the bushes that day. I get my kids in the car still in shock that this mother just brings her kids to the park so she can get a break like it is a drop of day care center and some other parent will watch her kids. Good lord!

I was not on "What Would you Do?" that day, but I am ready for when it does happen!

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This Girl Does not Need a Truth Serum!

One would think a trip to the Dentist could be accomplished without any major problems...right? Let me start again. Bringing all three of my children (that would include my 4 year old daughter AKA The Beast) and myself  early in the morning before school and work to all get our teeth cleaned. What was I thinking when I made that appointment? It felt like I was on an episode of "Survivor" just getting everyone up, dressed and out of the house by 7:00am. (And my daughter was already plotting against me!) So we arrive, barely, and I get the looks like you are late and we are the first appointments of the day and they are all waiting for us (Great more Guilt). There is not a second to breath as we are all being moved to our spots out back and the craziness begins. They take my older son on his own and then set up my other two younger ones in chairs next to me so we are all close by. I know their thinking is I can be close by to help or so they don't get scared but good lord let the fun begin.

For whatever reason if you give my daughter a chair of any kind to sit in, it turns instantly into a Therapy couch for her and it becomes her time to really let loose and unload everything off her chest that is weighing heavy on her 4 year old mind. So if she is at the salon getting her hair cut, or if I take her to get her nails done, or when she sits next to her brother at the Barber Shop, sitting at the Pediatrician's office and especially at the Dentist's office relaxing in that big long chair that they recline back. My daughter does not need any encouragement to open up and talk, she has that talent down pat! She could win an Olympic Gold medal if talking was a sport.  I cringe whenever she is sitting in a chair and it is like her instant Truth Serum and then it begins..The Questions. "How old are you? Are you in school? I Love your beautiful hair with all the curls.." I brace myself for my daughter to get started and the flood gates open and there is no coming back.

The worst part for me at the Dentist is I am laying helpless in the chair next to her with my mouth open and a suction and all the tools going in and out and I have no chance to stop her. All I can do is sit, listen, cringe and feel my face turn three shades of red. My daughter starts to answer the questions and finds it so much fun she decides to jump ahead and not wait for questions to be asked but to take over and tell all of her stories and in the process all the family secrets (Or all the reasons I will not be getting title of Mother of the Year). It went something like this...My daughter says,"You know it is not polite to use your middle finger?" and the woman says, "Oh yes that is not nice." and my daughter says, "You know what it means right?" By now my heart is beating so fast and I am bracing myself for where this is going and the looks I will be getting as to why my 4 year old is talking about flipping people off. The woman replies "Yes I know what it means.." and her voice does sound like she is now trying to steer my daughter off this subject but it will not be working. My daughter continues.."It means BACK OFF!!! Get out of my face" and she said it with such force and conviction that I did chuckle a little. I thought well Thank God that is her definition of the middle finger for now and Thank God she did not feel it needed to be proven or demonstrated that morning. But she is not done..oh no there is so much more. She continues..."Did you know we use to have 2 dogs but one died! My brothers say I killed her because I threw a big football and it hit her in the head and she fell down but she had been sick and already had a boo boo on her head. It was not my fault! And did you know that my lip fell off and the doctor picked it up and put it back on (this is another story for different blog) and did you know that my Mom is on Face Book all the time (not true) and sometimes she does not give us baths at night because she is drinking wine and forgets and so she does not wash my hair and my Dad says I look like a homeless child with my dirty knotted hair when he picks me up from preschool (I am dying right now) and did you know my Mom says bad words all the time and needs to give us a dollar every time she does? My brother has $21 right now...and did you know my Mom once..." I am finally done and I stand up fast and start talking louder then her to drown her out and she gives me a dirty look because I stopped her next story mid sentence. My daughter had this look like don't worry I will finish next time..and I know she will..cannot wait. I try to gather my kids and get out of there as fast as possible and avoiding all eye contact

Maybe I will ask if my daughter needs a sedative before getting her teeth cleaned next time.....But not sure that could even stop her..

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Vincent van Gogh he is not!!

As a Mom I have received many works of art from my children over the years and I think it is safe to say that none of them seem to be the next van Gogh! So with Mother's Day approaching next month I am getting prepared for all the homemade cards and art projects that will portray my kids unconditional love for me. Yeah right! Most times I am honestly wondering if I should be concerned with their portrayal of the family! So my 7 year old son surprised me yesterday with a portrait he made of me..and let me tell you I was SURPRISED. He is so excited to show me and so proud of his masterpiece. I am a little shocked at what he thinks I look like and I try to keep the smile on my face and portray my excitement with his Labor of Love.

So my surprise portrait has me sporting one little eye and one gigantic eye and then it has me rockin' a bald hair do and I have huge Blue lips as if I just drank a Super Blue Slush from 7 Eleven. Did I mention my head is huge to match my one huge eye? Then I have a pencil thin neck to hold up my monster head which leads down to a less then flattering mid section that resembles the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from the Ghostbusters movie! And then apparently I have huge hairy MAN arms to hug my sweet children with as I chase after them with my one leg. But the best part of the whole masterpiece are my long penciled in BOOBS that look like deflated party balloons..12 hours after the party! REALLY??

So after taking in the beauty of my picture I have to ask my son."Is this what you really think I look like?" And he answers, "Well you are always talking about how you need to get in shape and lose some weight, so I wanted to help you." I am processing this statement and start to laugh out loud. So he is helping his Dear old Mom from her fate of turning into an overweight half woman and half man pirate with saggy BOOBS!! I thank him for his concern and before he leaves he says "So hang that picture up and look at it everyday!" So I stand there looking at my picture again and decide I will pour a glass of wine instead of going to the Gym! I definitely think I will look like a Super Model after some wine!!

Yes I need to get in shape but more importantly I need to get my kids some ART lessons!!

Be Kind...Rewind!!

So it is official..I feel old! How did this happen? My oldest is 16 and getting his license (I threw up in my mouth a little bit) and just got his first car! Yikes. He has an older model car that has a tape player, which is very funny because teenagers have no idea what a tape player is and how can they put their CD's in a tape player? As I watch him sitting in his car and investigating everything my mind floats back to him being a little boy and I did have tapes in the car and we only had VHS movies to watch...and then I remembered....

So when my oldest was little we would go to Blockbuster every Friday night and rent movies for the weekend. This was long before the days of Netflix and Movies On Demand. He would love walking up and down the rows of movies and making his selections and then getting some Movie candy as we checked out. (those were the days) Then you had to remember to drop them back off or get late fees and if you did not rewind them you would get a $1 fee. There was a big sign as you put the movies in the drop off box "BE KIND...REWIND" Seems simple enough...right? Until the phone call I received!

So it was not unusual for Blockbuster to call those days and remind you if you had an overdue movie or if a movie came in that you had requested, so I was not that alarmed at first when I got the call! So I answer and a young man on the other end states that he is calling from Blockbuster and that there is a problem with the movie I returned. I do not understand what he is talking about. I say, "I dropped the movie off on time and I remember I did rewind." And the young man replied, "You did rewind but it is not our Movie." I am still confused as he continues "We do not have THESE KIND of movies at Blockbuster." My heart starts to race as my brain processes what has happened and he says "Ma'am if you could return our Movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I will give you back your movie" All I can say is "I am sorry I will be down." I hang up the phone and I am horrified as the full reality of what I have done sinks in. In my Monday morning rush of getting out of the house I never looked at the tape I ejected from player and put in the case! Now I have to walk into the Blockbuster and hand over the correct tape as I retrieve my KIND of movie. Great! Okay so as you might have guessed by now, some Mommies and Daddies might have some things that are not G rated and apparently Blockbuster does not have a hidden back room with movies. I gather myself together and hold my head up high and drive down to the store with the correct movie. I take a deep breath as I open the door and prepare my walk of shame. As I reach the counter the young man asks if he can help me. I start to explain "I spoke to you on the phone and I returned the wrong movie.." I did not have to say anything else. He says "Oh I know who you are.." As he pulls my movie out from behind the counter in a brown paper bag. (surprised it did not have a scarlet P on the front!) and handed it to me, I give him the correct movie back. There is not much to say but I tell him I am sorry for the mix up and as I try to make a quick get away, he says "You are lucky we check every movie, can you imagine if a kid rented that and we never checked!" Okay I am mortified as it is and I know I was wrong but I am done getting a lecture from this kid and I turn and say "Obviously you check every movie so you have seen this movie and I am pretty sure you must have enjoyed! Have a good day!" I turned and bolted with my movie and let's just say I never went back to that Blockbuster! I am pretty sure there is a special note on my membership account.

So always remember to Be Kind...Rewind.....or here is a better tip! Lock up THOSE MOVIES!!!

Farts are Funny!!

I am pretty sure the title sums up what this post is about. Yes..you guessed right...Farts!! And how kids find Farts to be so hilarious! I do realize I will offend some people but let's get real for a minute. I know that the word in itself is found by many parents not be politically correct or proper, give me a break! What is proper about a fart? But there are many parents that try not to laugh or blush and teach their children words like..tooting or ducking or passing gas..whatever seems cuter then FART! But again on the topic of getting real Everybody Does it!! That is everybody farts! (GASP) So in keeping with the adventures of Motherhood there are always stories that fall under the topic of Poop! So as many of you who have been following me know my 4 year old daughter finds the topic of poop to be one of her favorites! I should have known that when she put dog poop in my coat pocket and I wore that to work..it was just the beginning of my poop stories.

So recently my daughter has collected an Arsenal of fake poop products from the local arcade with her winning tickets..Oh joy! And I do realize that most parents would probably tell their kids that those prizes were not an option, but I was not getting off that easy with my daughter. That would fall under the category of "Pick your Battles", and what real harm could fake poop products cause?? So to my daughter's excitement and sheer delight she now has fake dog poop (better then the real stuff!), 2 WhooPee Cushions and 2 jars of Poop Goo or Fart Jars (The jar of goop that makes real fart noises when you put your fingers inside) Yes I know we are a classy family but we keep it fun. So with her joy of playing pranks on the family and using her poop products I had to set a few rules such as not using them around her grandparents and not taking them to school (would love that phone call!) and then not bringing them out in public all together. So my daughter is a smart one and she started sneaking them in her purse when we left the house and I found that out when we went to visit my friend and she had brought the fake dog poop and placed it in her house randomly. So when in the middle of our visit my friend's son started yelling from the other room and we go running and he is pointing at the fake poop and my friend cannot figure out how poop got in her house and I knew right away and had to apologize and explain. I know it is so normal for people to bring fake poop to other houses, well it is very normal for our family! I did have to laugh to myself..I have to give my daughter credit for even planning and thinking of these things at 4 years old. I am very afraid for what 16 will bring..yikes!

Okay so I think I have given a good background to get you in the theme. So let's review..Farts are Funny to kids! Yes kids are gross creatures..they love anything to do with farts and burps! Sometimes it is hard not to laugh! So I had to run out and get gas for my car the other night and my little shadow I call my daughter insisted on coming. I say "Hurry up let's go quick if you are coming." So we get in the car and she is in her seat in the back seat when I pull up the the full service station. The young gas attendant comes over and I roll my window down to ask him to fill it up and as I hand him my debit card, out of nowhere the loudest, and grossest sounding fart echos through my car! He looks at me with wide eyes and my face turns red instantly and I am frozen in shock for a second. He hands me my card back and quickly moves onto the next car that pulled up as my car fills up. He could not get away from me fast enough. As soon as I shake the shock off and realize what has happened I turn to my daughter in the back who has the biggest smile on her face and see that she has her poop goop jar hidden under her sweatshirt. She starts to laugh and says "Mom that guy thinks you farted!!" And by now I am so embarrassed and mad but cannot help but laugh. She has struck again! I try to pull myself together so I can explain to the kid when he returns to my car that I did not fart so I can try and redeem myself. I start to talk really fast and explain "My daughter has one of those fart jars in the back seat and that was the noise you heard." He has a smirk on his face and I know he does not believe a word I am saying. I beg my daughter to show him but of course she laughs and won't help me out and says "Mom you farted!" Really nice..so now he has handed me my receipt and heads to the next car to get away from the crazy farting lady! I think to myself that I am not returning to this station for awhile and as I pull away I tell my daughter "Just wait until your Prom!! I will return the favor!"

So it is not the first time my daughter has had me turn 10 shades of red and it will not be the last!

You have been warned! If you invite us to your house please frisk my daughter at the door and make her open her purse!