I walk in and look around trying not to show how nervous I am, but it is my first time and I have no idea what to expect. I am not sure if I can do this and wonder if I can sneak out. The music starts and I am given instruction on how to start moving. It feels okay at first but we are just getting started. The positions get harder to do and I am not sure I am cut out for this. My heart is pumping faster and I am covered in sweat.
We move to the floor and I am trying to relax as instructed, but it is starting to hurt. I am told "Lift your bottom off the floor and swing your hips left to right, you should start to feel it in your inner thighs..Do you feel it in your inner thigh? Does it hurt?" Okay by now I am lying on the ground and start to laugh because I am thinking how dirty this sounds and feels. Let me clarify that I am not auditioning for a Porn movie, but it is my first night a Boot Camp class!
If anyone was listening outside the studio the rumors would be flying with all the music, moaning, groaning and heavy breathing. My life is so glamorous!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
50 Shades of Ken and Barbie...
So my daughter turned 5 this week and she was very excited to open her gifts! She talked all week about what she was getting and asked everyone in the family what they were getting her. She wanted more then anything to get the Wedding Day Barbie set! All her hopes and dreams at 5 would be complete if she could get that set! She talked about that set for weeks! This was not just any Barbie set you know..this had the whole wedding party including Ken, Barbie, flower girls, rings, wedding cake, presents and Barbie's wedding gown. Can you feel the absolute pure excitement of a 5 year old in absolute awe of the possibility of holding a dream in her hands! It was time to open gifts and her eyes were wide with excitement and when she got to "THE GIFT" she let out a shout of excitement and hugged the box tight. Life is Good and turning 5 is fabulous. It was hard to keep her focused to finish her party and Thank everyone before I let her open every box and pull out all her new toys and begin her play marathon.
It was a great day and everyone left so I opened all her new toys and let her play while I cleaned up and put everything away. When I left her she had the Wedding set all out and lined up and she was slipping off into her princess fantasy world and Barbie was getting married! It was really sweet how happy she was.
Half hour later....I walk in to check on her and I felt like I was walking onto the set of a Porno movie and my daughter was the Director! By now the wedding party all had their clothes off and she was holding Ken who was all in his plastic naked glory and she was having him hug Barbie all in her hot plastic nakedness! Ken then put his hand on Barbie's butt cheeks and pulled her in close for their first dance as a married couple. I stood there for a few to see what else would happen..praying no more then dancing would be going on! Then I heard my daughter construct her pretend conversation between them..it went like this.
Ken: Barbie you look great!
Barbie: Thanks Ken, so do you.
Ken: I love you!
Barbie: I love you to, but should we be doing this?
Ken: We are married now..we can do whatever we want.
Barbie: giggle...giggle..Ken you are so funny!
(The conversation continued..)
I kept standing there wondering if I should be horrified or start laughing. I felt like I was watching Mattel's version of 50 Shades of Grey and thinking about a Christian Grey Ken doll and an Anastasia Steele Barbie doll. I wonder if Barbie will sign a contract and what will be her safe words? Barbie Mansion? or maybe Plastic? Good lord! I return to the pretend conversation still going on..
Ken: It has been a long day..we should get ready for bed.(My heart stops for a second)
Barbie: Let me get my nightgown on (Makes sense..you dance naked but get dressed for bed? what a whore ..:)
Ken: I will meet you in the bedroom..(and he walks away with his hard plastic butt shining in the moonlight)
And before she can join him I put a stop to this reaching 50 shades if you know what I mean. I alert my daughter of my presence and tell her it is time for her to take a bath. She is disappointed but tells her dolls she will play with them tomorrow and goes running off. I start to walk away and go back get Ken and Barbie dressed again in their wedding clothes. I don't need anymore Plastic Porn going on...
Friday, July 6, 2012
From the Paw not the Jaw Part 2...A Dog's Eye View
Hello everyone it is me Taz, you know the blind overweight Pug and my owner is the woman trying to achieve Mother of the Year status..yeah right. Well I don't have much time on here, but I told you I would be back to finish my story. If you need to get caught up you can go and check out Part 1, but if not let's get started. Again you need to bare with me because I am not the best with keyboards and typing and oh yeah I am blind.
So if you are up to speed you know that I am morbidly obese and have uncontrolled Diabetes and I am overdue on most of my shots. I won't bore you with the details again. I wanted to share with you before but couldn't with the MOTY blogger standing over my shoulder, that there use to be two of us. Yes, I had a sister, Karma Lou Belle. We were together for 10 years and she was my best friend! Life was always better when I had her to help deal with the "Gremlins". I will be honest that she was not in the best of health either and the two of us did not age gracefully, but I loved her! Then came that fateful day when we thought it was just another crazy day at the asylum, I mean house. It happened so fast, but before I knew it the youngest Gremlin AKA "The Beast" was standing at the top of the stairs with a big football in her hands. Then she hurled it down the stairs. I remember darting out of the way, but Karma was not fast enough and the football hit her in the head and she dropped to the ground. I was in shock as I watched the family surround her and before I knew it they were out the door bringing her to the vet. Well it turns out that Karma had a brain tumor and the blow to the head was just a freak accident that made it worse, but she would have gotten worse regardless. Needless to say I always keep one eye open when the youngest Gremlin is around and I am not sure I really believe the whole story. I do find amusement in her brothers telling people that she killed the family dog and she freaks out every time and says it is not true and that she was sick. I picture her older brothers toasting her on her wedding day and telling the story of the day she killed their dog with a football, classic. I miss my sister but since it has only been me I do get all of the attention and it is not all bad. And when I say attention, I mean I do get fed most days on time and I only have to seek water from other sources occasionally.
There is also amusement in the fact that my Mom..The Blogger..had a warrant out on her because she did not license me. I chuckled over that one. My Dad is a police officer and he called her to tell her she had a warrant out and she needed to get me licensed ASAP! Well my Mom could not get me licensed because she had not had me vaccinated and had no proof of rabies. So that meant a trip to the vet and a full work up on me and then listening to my mom explain to everyone that she needed to me updated so she could not have a warrant out on her. Really nice! And she wonders why she is not getting nominated for Mother of the Year?? Really?? Warrants?? Dead dogs by Footballs?? Do I need to go on..sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer! Oh no I hear her coming..gotta go..
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So if you are up to speed you know that I am morbidly obese and have uncontrolled Diabetes and I am overdue on most of my shots. I won't bore you with the details again. I wanted to share with you before but couldn't with the MOTY blogger standing over my shoulder, that there use to be two of us. Yes, I had a sister, Karma Lou Belle. We were together for 10 years and she was my best friend! Life was always better when I had her to help deal with the "Gremlins". I will be honest that she was not in the best of health either and the two of us did not age gracefully, but I loved her! Then came that fateful day when we thought it was just another crazy day at the asylum, I mean house. It happened so fast, but before I knew it the youngest Gremlin AKA "The Beast" was standing at the top of the stairs with a big football in her hands. Then she hurled it down the stairs. I remember darting out of the way, but Karma was not fast enough and the football hit her in the head and she dropped to the ground. I was in shock as I watched the family surround her and before I knew it they were out the door bringing her to the vet. Well it turns out that Karma had a brain tumor and the blow to the head was just a freak accident that made it worse, but she would have gotten worse regardless. Needless to say I always keep one eye open when the youngest Gremlin is around and I am not sure I really believe the whole story. I do find amusement in her brothers telling people that she killed the family dog and she freaks out every time and says it is not true and that she was sick. I picture her older brothers toasting her on her wedding day and telling the story of the day she killed their dog with a football, classic. I miss my sister but since it has only been me I do get all of the attention and it is not all bad. And when I say attention, I mean I do get fed most days on time and I only have to seek water from other sources occasionally.
There is also amusement in the fact that my Mom..The Blogger..had a warrant out on her because she did not license me. I chuckled over that one. My Dad is a police officer and he called her to tell her she had a warrant out and she needed to get me licensed ASAP! Well my Mom could not get me licensed because she had not had me vaccinated and had no proof of rabies. So that meant a trip to the vet and a full work up on me and then listening to my mom explain to everyone that she needed to me updated so she could not have a warrant out on her. Really nice! And she wonders why she is not getting nominated for Mother of the Year?? Really?? Warrants?? Dead dogs by Footballs?? Do I need to go on..sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer! Oh no I hear her coming..gotta go..
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Saturday, June 16, 2012
Class Frog turns into Weekend at Bernie's!
So it is official, school is out and summer is here! I am so excited! (insert sarcasm here) And to add to the pure excitement my 7 year old son won the class frog again this year! Yeah! Not so much..you might ask "What do you mean again?" Well that would be a funny story..we were so blessed to win the class frog last year and that turned out so well we thought let's do it again! Okay that is a total lie..last year the class frog made it about 5 hours in our house and then died and my son was so upset and still has not forgotten the trauma and decided we try it again. So I gave in after he begged and begged and I thought what are the chances that his name will be picked out of 22 kids and only 2 frogs. Well those odds would have been good but then I find out the other parents did not cave to the begging and only 3 names were put in for 2 frogs and my son was the lucky winner!! And so it begins again....and the last 2 days my kids have watched Patrick the frog like hawks and every 2 minutes come and tell me he is dead and not moving. I have to move the tank and disturb the poor thing for the 100th time so he will move and they relax. We are doing better making it longer then 5 hours but this poor frog is going to die of a heart attack or stress attack for sure and don't forget who he is living with.....my 4 year old daughter! Yeah this frog has no chance.
So let's rewind and go back to where it all began last year...where all the magic and memories were formed..okay where all the nightmares began....
My sweet 6 year old boy came home with a form to sign to have his name put in to win one of the class frogs and he was so excited! I thought how hard could a frog be and what is the harm in putting his name in the raffle. What are the chances he will win? Okay he is one lucky kid for sure and I should have him start picking my lottery numbers. He came home to announce he was a winner!! So the preparations began and the kids were beyond excited. I reviewed the paper on how to care for a frog. I called my friend who had one and I borrowed a tank and I went to the pet store to get crickets and we collected rocks for the tank and we prepared the water so it was room temperature. We were good to go! What could go wrong? It was the day of school and we went to pick up our newest family member and bring him home. The kids were so excited and the frog who they named "Appetite" was so full of life and jumped all over his tank like a maniac! So our family was expanding and the summer was here! Good times. The kids later said goodnight to Appetite and told him they would see him in the morning. So I was up before everyone and grabbed a cup of coffee and went to feed Appetite when there he was on a rock sprawled out. I thought frogs sleep weird but oh well and put a cricket in his tank. My son woke up and ran down to see his new friend and asked if he was still sleeping and then it hit me..Maybe he is not sleeping. I walk in and find Appetite exactly as I had found him and then I knew. The poor thing did not even make one night in our house! I am a frog killer..add it to the list of Mom guilt. My son started to look worried but I did not want his last day of school ruined so I told him to let the frog rest and he can see him when he gets home. He seemed to believe he was a deep sleeper and left him alone to have breakfast and go to school. I thought I would tell him after school and we could bury poor Appetite.
No sooner did he get on the bus then my 3 year old daughter comes up behind me and states "Appetite is so cute and friendly" And as I turn I am horrified to see her holding him and snuggling his stiff dead body up to her cheek. I was so grossed out but tried to remain calm and told her to put him back because she might hurt him and he needs his home. Then I washed her hands and face almost scrubbing her skin off. I told her to stay away from Appetite until her brother came home. We went out to do errands later and as I am driving my daughter tells me "I love Appetite he is so cute." And I tell her I know and he is a good little guy and she keeps talking about him as a stop at a red light and turn to smile at her and I almost died when I saw that she had brought Appetite with us and had packed him in her little purse and had taken him out and was holding him. I was in shock that my daughter was carrying around a frog corpse like we were shooting a scene for Weekend at Bernie's. I was like "What are you doing??" and she says "He wanted to come with us" I was wondering what disease she was going to get from handling a dead frog and how is this happening. I tried to remain calm and told her to put him back in her purse so he did not get hurt. So we went shopping with a dead frog because that is what normal people do. And yes people you can judge but there are times you just give up fighting the fight. So we get home and I put frog corpse back in his tank and wait for my son to get home.
My son comes home and I have to sit him down to deliver the news. He was so upset and cried and cried and I held him and consoled him. He asked if we could have a funeral and I said of course. My daughter comes in to see what all the fuss is and I tell her the news also. She is still eating her chicken nuggets and says "You can bury him in my chicken nugget box." And so we did. Poor Appetite had a short life but he was buried in style.
So fast forward...Patrick the frog is home with us and has made it 48 hours and counting...He is doing better then Appetite but if he too does not make it my daughter might have plans to take him to the beach!
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So let's rewind and go back to where it all began last year...where all the magic and memories were formed..okay where all the nightmares began....
My sweet 6 year old boy came home with a form to sign to have his name put in to win one of the class frogs and he was so excited! I thought how hard could a frog be and what is the harm in putting his name in the raffle. What are the chances he will win? Okay he is one lucky kid for sure and I should have him start picking my lottery numbers. He came home to announce he was a winner!! So the preparations began and the kids were beyond excited. I reviewed the paper on how to care for a frog. I called my friend who had one and I borrowed a tank and I went to the pet store to get crickets and we collected rocks for the tank and we prepared the water so it was room temperature. We were good to go! What could go wrong? It was the day of school and we went to pick up our newest family member and bring him home. The kids were so excited and the frog who they named "Appetite" was so full of life and jumped all over his tank like a maniac! So our family was expanding and the summer was here! Good times. The kids later said goodnight to Appetite and told him they would see him in the morning. So I was up before everyone and grabbed a cup of coffee and went to feed Appetite when there he was on a rock sprawled out. I thought frogs sleep weird but oh well and put a cricket in his tank. My son woke up and ran down to see his new friend and asked if he was still sleeping and then it hit me..Maybe he is not sleeping. I walk in and find Appetite exactly as I had found him and then I knew. The poor thing did not even make one night in our house! I am a frog killer..add it to the list of Mom guilt. My son started to look worried but I did not want his last day of school ruined so I told him to let the frog rest and he can see him when he gets home. He seemed to believe he was a deep sleeper and left him alone to have breakfast and go to school. I thought I would tell him after school and we could bury poor Appetite.
No sooner did he get on the bus then my 3 year old daughter comes up behind me and states "Appetite is so cute and friendly" And as I turn I am horrified to see her holding him and snuggling his stiff dead body up to her cheek. I was so grossed out but tried to remain calm and told her to put him back because she might hurt him and he needs his home. Then I washed her hands and face almost scrubbing her skin off. I told her to stay away from Appetite until her brother came home. We went out to do errands later and as I am driving my daughter tells me "I love Appetite he is so cute." And I tell her I know and he is a good little guy and she keeps talking about him as a stop at a red light and turn to smile at her and I almost died when I saw that she had brought Appetite with us and had packed him in her little purse and had taken him out and was holding him. I was in shock that my daughter was carrying around a frog corpse like we were shooting a scene for Weekend at Bernie's. I was like "What are you doing??" and she says "He wanted to come with us" I was wondering what disease she was going to get from handling a dead frog and how is this happening. I tried to remain calm and told her to put him back in her purse so he did not get hurt. So we went shopping with a dead frog because that is what normal people do. And yes people you can judge but there are times you just give up fighting the fight. So we get home and I put frog corpse back in his tank and wait for my son to get home.
My son comes home and I have to sit him down to deliver the news. He was so upset and cried and cried and I held him and consoled him. He asked if we could have a funeral and I said of course. My daughter comes in to see what all the fuss is and I tell her the news also. She is still eating her chicken nuggets and says "You can bury him in my chicken nugget box." And so we did. Poor Appetite had a short life but he was buried in style.
So fast forward...Patrick the frog is home with us and has made it 48 hours and counting...He is doing better then Appetite but if he too does not make it my daughter might have plans to take him to the beach!
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Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Say Yes to the Dress!!
My 4 year old daughter is in the "Princess" stage and everything seems fascinating about being a princess, looking like a princess and dressing like a princess. So with those ideas fresh in her mind she asked me where my princess dress was the other night. I was a little confused by this question and told her I did not have a princess dress, but her response was.."Mom of course you have a princess dress!! The day you married Daddy...duh..." And as I listen to her I start to laugh and say.."Do you mean my wedding dress?" and she says.."Yes, where is it?" I thought this would be an easy one to deal with and so I answered.."It is in the basement in the cedar closet" Her eyes became wide with excitement and the amazement that this "Magical" dress actually existed and was in the house! Now I was in trouble for sure because this will not go away easily. And I knew what was coming next as she jumped up and down with sheer glee.."Can I see it??" And at this point it was past bed time and I was in no mood so I answered.."Maybe this weekend I will bring it out and show you, but not right now it is bed time." But no...not happening..not a chance this was ending. So I will spare you the details (and I am well aware I am the adult and I am in charge. and I can say no..blah blah blah..) but some how after much negotiating and me just wanting my head on my pillow, my wedding dress was upstairs and now hanging in my closet inside the protective dress bag it had been placed in years ago. My daughter went to sleep with a smile on her face and with the image of the "Magical" dress close by. I knew I was in trouble but I went to sleep hoping for the best.
The next morning only brought more excitement and more begging and more negotiating. I had to get ready for work and a training I was giving that morning so I let her unzip the bag and look at my Princess dress and play with the veil and gloves. She was in Princess Heaven and it was cute to see her so excited picturing her Mommy and Daddy getting married, again what was the harm? I should know better by now that nothing is easy with my daughter and if I give an inch she wants a mile! So I am running through my morning routine and things are pretty smooth and maybe I will be on time for once. I run upstairs to get dressed and head out to work. I enter my closet to find my 4 year old waiting for me with a devilish grin and she says "Mom just put on your Princess dress quick before you leave!" And I look at her with horror and say "I do not have time right now, I have to get to work and I told you I would show you but not that I was putting it on, you can look at our wedding album with Daddy while I am at work." But that was not going to fly at all..she shut the closet door and continued, "Please put it on..really quick..please..please..please..it will take 5 minutes then you can go to work...promise...promise..promise.." Good lord!! I was so irritated by now and going to be late..so of course I did the most logical thing....wait for it....I put on my wedding dress. Just another normal day in my life!
So I put on my wedding dress as my daughter watched and asked a million questions about my wedding day. She helped me with my veil, gloves, shoes and of course the little jacket I had to go with my dress. I have to admit it was really fun thinking about the day I did get ready and seeing my daughter's face watching me. And so the questions continued.."Mom you do not have a bra on? Did Dad know you were not wearing a bra when you married him?" I did not have time to answer her questions because she opened the closet door and took off. So I stood there in my wedding dress (My Princess Dress) as my husband looked at me like I had lost my mind (has he met me yet? of course I have lost my mind!) he then asked me "Don't you have to work and I thought you had a training to be at?" I told him "Yes I have to be at work and I will have to tell my boss I was late because I was trying on my wedding dress!" He just shook his head as our daughter came running back in with my iPhone and started to take pictures of me and asked me to pose and walk around. She then said "Daddy doesn't Mommy look beautiful? Can you believe she still fits in her wedding dress!" And with that my husband started laughing and said.."I would hope she still fit in her wedding dress!" (Okay it did fit great! Did I mention I was 5 months pregnant with her brother when we got married...details..details..I looked great!!) So I had to take off the dress and get to work. And yes I was late!
I had to say Yes to the dress and give my daughter some real life Princess magic!!!
The next morning only brought more excitement and more begging and more negotiating. I had to get ready for work and a training I was giving that morning so I let her unzip the bag and look at my Princess dress and play with the veil and gloves. She was in Princess Heaven and it was cute to see her so excited picturing her Mommy and Daddy getting married, again what was the harm? I should know better by now that nothing is easy with my daughter and if I give an inch she wants a mile! So I am running through my morning routine and things are pretty smooth and maybe I will be on time for once. I run upstairs to get dressed and head out to work. I enter my closet to find my 4 year old waiting for me with a devilish grin and she says "Mom just put on your Princess dress quick before you leave!" And I look at her with horror and say "I do not have time right now, I have to get to work and I told you I would show you but not that I was putting it on, you can look at our wedding album with Daddy while I am at work." But that was not going to fly at all..she shut the closet door and continued, "Please put it on..really quick..please..please..please..it will take 5 minutes then you can go to work...promise...promise..promise.." Good lord!! I was so irritated by now and going to be late..so of course I did the most logical thing....wait for it....I put on my wedding dress. Just another normal day in my life!
So I put on my wedding dress as my daughter watched and asked a million questions about my wedding day. She helped me with my veil, gloves, shoes and of course the little jacket I had to go with my dress. I have to admit it was really fun thinking about the day I did get ready and seeing my daughter's face watching me. And so the questions continued.."Mom you do not have a bra on? Did Dad know you were not wearing a bra when you married him?" I did not have time to answer her questions because she opened the closet door and took off. So I stood there in my wedding dress (My Princess Dress) as my husband looked at me like I had lost my mind (has he met me yet? of course I have lost my mind!) he then asked me "Don't you have to work and I thought you had a training to be at?" I told him "Yes I have to be at work and I will have to tell my boss I was late because I was trying on my wedding dress!" He just shook his head as our daughter came running back in with my iPhone and started to take pictures of me and asked me to pose and walk around. She then said "Daddy doesn't Mommy look beautiful? Can you believe she still fits in her wedding dress!" And with that my husband started laughing and said.."I would hope she still fit in her wedding dress!" (Okay it did fit great! Did I mention I was 5 months pregnant with her brother when we got married...details..details..I looked great!!) So I had to take off the dress and get to work. And yes I was late!
I had to say Yes to the dress and give my daughter some real life Princess magic!!!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
There is no Mommy Manual for this...
I have been quiet and at a loss for words the last few days. I feel that I need to write this blog and maybe I will not post and maybe I will delete at the end but I feel I need to talk about this. It is a very serious subject and out of my comfort zone but as a Mom nobody said it would be easy raising kids. I do not feel right posting my funny blogs at this time. So I write what is in my heart at this time.
There is definitely no Mommy manual or chapter in the What to Expect?? that tells you how to prepare for this. And if there was, it would still not help and you would still not be prepared.
I was walking my 40 mile Avon Breast Cancer walk last weekend and I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I was on my second day and was 30 miles into the 40 miles and working on limited sleep from the last 2 days when I received the news. I had stopped at one of the rest stops to regroup and I checked my phone to see if my home had called or sent any messages... when I saw a message from a friend to call marked urgent. I sat down and called her before I continued my walk. That is when I found out that one of my son's friends and teammate had tragically passed away that morning and she wanted me to know so I could tell him before the word spread. I was still sitting down on the grass in shock with tears streaming down my face with a million thoughts racing through my head. The first thought was his mother and as I pictured her hearing the news it became harder to breathe. I wanted to be home so bad and I did not want to finish the 10 miles I had ahead of me.
I called my husband and woke him to tell him and let him know that my next call was to my son. My husband said he would walk down the hall and wake him to tell him, but I was insistent that it was going to be me. I almost became angry and protective like a wild animal protecting her cub. My brain was screaming he needs his Mom to tell him. I knew it would not be easy but I wanted to carry that burden as his mother. I told my husband to hug my other son and daughter and tell them how much I love them and I would be home as soon as I could. I called my oldest son and woke him from his teenage weekend slumber and I began slowly "Sorry to wake you but I have something to tell you.." and he said "What is it Mom?" I continued with "I hate to have to tell you this, but I wanted you to hear it from me first." and he was fully awake now asking "Mom what is it? You are scaring me.." and so I said it.."Your "friend" passed away this morning" and I explained how. There was silence for a few seconds and he asked with his voice shaking.."Is this for real?" And I said, "Yes it is real, I wish it was not, but it is true" and then I could hear the panic rise in his voice "Why? Why would he do that? Oh My God! Oh My God!" I gave him some time before I spoke.."Again I wanted you to hear it from me, I love you so much and I will be home later. Call me if you need me and I am so sorry!" He told me he loved me and we hung up. I still stayed sitting on the ground crying as people walked by assuming I was in pain from the walk and blisters. I wanted to be there more then anything to hug my son and hold him like I did when he was little. It broke my heart to hear my son's voice cracking and shaking from trying to hold back the river of emotions that I knew was rising and about to spill over into tears. The kind of tears that have not come in some time and do not come often anymore at the age of 16 in his teenage years. I pictured my son who looks like a man, but still is a little boy inside with a little boy brain and little boy heart breaking. I stood up to pull myself together and finish my walk. I sent my son a text "I love you!!" and he sent one back "I know you do Mom.. Thank you..I love you too!"
I kept walking and thinking of how as Mothers we vow to protect our kids from harm and when our kids hurt we want to take that pain from them. I remember after the birth of each of my three kids when I was finally sitting alone holding them in my arms. I would lean in and whisper in their tiny ears as they slept that I would never let anything or anyone hurt them...ever!! And I meant ever!! I know it seems impossible to make that happen as a Mother, but we Mothers mean it with every fiber in our bodies. I know their pain because it fills me up to the point where my heart honestly aches and I have the choked up feeling in my throat and it hurts to breathe and the tears sit in the back of my eyes ready to spill out...every time one of my children are sick or sad or hurting for any reason..Mothers feel that pain. So as I finished my walk it was harder and harder to breathe. There was a lump in my throat that made it hard to swallow and my heart hurt. I found out later that as I walked and as the pain grew my son and his friends were getting together to comfort one another and talk and hug each other and cry for their lost friend. Once I gave the news to my son he contacted his friends and they met for breakfast and needed to be together. They just needed to be together. I knew without a doubt that day and the days to come that it is not just a saying that Moms hurt when their kids hurt, because I have never felt such deep pain and sorrow.
I watched my son and his football teammates gather this week and give true meaning to the word "Team". They never left each others sides. They never judged each other for crying and for needing hugs or just needing to talk. They were mature beyond their years to handle this situation and sorrow. They made me proud beyond words to watch them march in as a team side by side in their jerseys to say goodbye to their friend and teammate. And words can never describe them each offering their words and comfort to a grieving mother and hugging her as if she was their own Mother.
It has been a sad week and I just keep hugging my son and telling him I love him. I told my son not be alarmed if he wakes up in the middle of the night and finds me sitting in the dark watching him sleep, because that is what I have been doing this week. I wake up and need to check on all my kids and be Thankful they are sleeping in their beds.
So this week reminded me as a Mother to not sweat the small stuff...it really does not matter and you can never hug your kids enough!!!
There is definitely no Mommy manual or chapter in the What to Expect?? that tells you how to prepare for this. And if there was, it would still not help and you would still not be prepared.
I was walking my 40 mile Avon Breast Cancer walk last weekend and I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I was on my second day and was 30 miles into the 40 miles and working on limited sleep from the last 2 days when I received the news. I had stopped at one of the rest stops to regroup and I checked my phone to see if my home had called or sent any messages... when I saw a message from a friend to call marked urgent. I sat down and called her before I continued my walk. That is when I found out that one of my son's friends and teammate had tragically passed away that morning and she wanted me to know so I could tell him before the word spread. I was still sitting down on the grass in shock with tears streaming down my face with a million thoughts racing through my head. The first thought was his mother and as I pictured her hearing the news it became harder to breathe. I wanted to be home so bad and I did not want to finish the 10 miles I had ahead of me.
I called my husband and woke him to tell him and let him know that my next call was to my son. My husband said he would walk down the hall and wake him to tell him, but I was insistent that it was going to be me. I almost became angry and protective like a wild animal protecting her cub. My brain was screaming he needs his Mom to tell him. I knew it would not be easy but I wanted to carry that burden as his mother. I told my husband to hug my other son and daughter and tell them how much I love them and I would be home as soon as I could. I called my oldest son and woke him from his teenage weekend slumber and I began slowly "Sorry to wake you but I have something to tell you.." and he said "What is it Mom?" I continued with "I hate to have to tell you this, but I wanted you to hear it from me first." and he was fully awake now asking "Mom what is it? You are scaring me.." and so I said it.."Your "friend" passed away this morning" and I explained how. There was silence for a few seconds and he asked with his voice shaking.."Is this for real?" And I said, "Yes it is real, I wish it was not, but it is true" and then I could hear the panic rise in his voice "Why? Why would he do that? Oh My God! Oh My God!" I gave him some time before I spoke.."Again I wanted you to hear it from me, I love you so much and I will be home later. Call me if you need me and I am so sorry!" He told me he loved me and we hung up. I still stayed sitting on the ground crying as people walked by assuming I was in pain from the walk and blisters. I wanted to be there more then anything to hug my son and hold him like I did when he was little. It broke my heart to hear my son's voice cracking and shaking from trying to hold back the river of emotions that I knew was rising and about to spill over into tears. The kind of tears that have not come in some time and do not come often anymore at the age of 16 in his teenage years. I pictured my son who looks like a man, but still is a little boy inside with a little boy brain and little boy heart breaking. I stood up to pull myself together and finish my walk. I sent my son a text "I love you!!" and he sent one back "I know you do Mom.. Thank you..I love you too!"
I kept walking and thinking of how as Mothers we vow to protect our kids from harm and when our kids hurt we want to take that pain from them. I remember after the birth of each of my three kids when I was finally sitting alone holding them in my arms. I would lean in and whisper in their tiny ears as they slept that I would never let anything or anyone hurt them...ever!! And I meant ever!! I know it seems impossible to make that happen as a Mother, but we Mothers mean it with every fiber in our bodies. I know their pain because it fills me up to the point where my heart honestly aches and I have the choked up feeling in my throat and it hurts to breathe and the tears sit in the back of my eyes ready to spill out...every time one of my children are sick or sad or hurting for any reason..Mothers feel that pain. So as I finished my walk it was harder and harder to breathe. There was a lump in my throat that made it hard to swallow and my heart hurt. I found out later that as I walked and as the pain grew my son and his friends were getting together to comfort one another and talk and hug each other and cry for their lost friend. Once I gave the news to my son he contacted his friends and they met for breakfast and needed to be together. They just needed to be together. I knew without a doubt that day and the days to come that it is not just a saying that Moms hurt when their kids hurt, because I have never felt such deep pain and sorrow.
I watched my son and his football teammates gather this week and give true meaning to the word "Team". They never left each others sides. They never judged each other for crying and for needing hugs or just needing to talk. They were mature beyond their years to handle this situation and sorrow. They made me proud beyond words to watch them march in as a team side by side in their jerseys to say goodbye to their friend and teammate. And words can never describe them each offering their words and comfort to a grieving mother and hugging her as if she was their own Mother.
It has been a sad week and I just keep hugging my son and telling him I love him. I told my son not be alarmed if he wakes up in the middle of the night and finds me sitting in the dark watching him sleep, because that is what I have been doing this week. I wake up and need to check on all my kids and be Thankful they are sleeping in their beds.
So this week reminded me as a Mother to not sweat the small stuff...it really does not matter and you can never hug your kids enough!!!
Monday, May 7, 2012
What Would you Do??
One of my favorite shows is Dateline "What Would you Do?" with John Quinones. My favorite part is when the people are confronted by John and his crew after they basically decide to stand by and not help a person who needs it. And the show makes some of these scenarios so over the top that how could anyone not stop and help? People just look in horror but keep on walking. So John walks up to the people and says "Why did you not want to help that child? Did you not think that woman was in danger? Why did you keep walking?" And the people always say they did not think it was their place or their business to get involved. I always think to myself that I would be mortified if I had a camera crew watching me not help someone and then approach me and have it on National TV, I have enough "Mommy Guilt" I do not need anymore guilt! So I am always ready to react and jump in to help so I am the hero on "What Would you Do?" You never know!
So where is the number one place I always think John Quinones and his crew are waiting and lurking? My most dreaded place!! The Park! This is the land of OPK's (Other Peoples Kids) running around with little to no supervision half the time. I cannot tell most times which kid belongs with which adult and they always seem to find me and think I am willing and able to play with all of them .Most of these parents think going to the Park means they can sit and relax and let their children run wild inside a fenced in area. Some parents even sit in their car and watch from there if the kids are a little older. So the other day was no different. It was finally nice out and the sun was shining so I took the kids to the park against my better judgement to let them run around. Of course I am not even there five minutes before the OPK's find me and are latched on. I am helping my 4 year old daughter with the monkey bars when I then have 3 other kids waiting in line for me to also help them. I always look around to see where their parents might be because I always feel weird picking up kids I don't know. Some parents might not want me to be helping their kids. I always try to avoid them and tell them I need to chase after my 4 year old. Or I suggest to them to go ask their parents to help them. Sometimes that will work but most times they keep following me.
This afternoon there was the sweetest, tiniest little girl following me and she wanted to play with my daughter. I kept looking for her mother, father, grandparent or babysitter. Anyone? I could not understand how this little girl could have nobody with her. I keep looking around as she is glued to us and I think this could be it, this could be my shining moment! I might be on 'What would you do?" First I am horrified of what I look like and that I could be on TV looking like this (I know I am crazy) but I just stay focused. I keep talking to the little girl and making sure she is safe as she climbs up on everything following my daughter. Then another little girl approaches and tells me that is her sister, and I think this is getting even better..and I go with it as she tells me her story.."That is my sister and she is 3 years old and I am 5 years old" and then she points to another girl and says "That is our friend and she is 7 and she came with us." As I listen to her I finally have to ask "Who are you here with? Your Mom or Dad?" And the girl answers "My Mom, she is over there in the parking lot with her friend." And I look in the direction she pointed and see a woman standing next to a truck smoking and talking with someone inside the truck.
I have now been at the park for almost a half hour and have not seen this woman once and she has not left the parking lot to check on her kids or even better the other girl she brought with her. I am not in the running for Mother of the Year, but I am shocked this woman does not even care to watch her little girls. I remind myself that this has to be a set up and they are making sure that it is as over the top as possible to see how people would react. So I start to think about what I should do. The girls continue to ask me to help them on the monkey bars and the swings and ask me to chase them and play tag. I cannot believe this mother has not even taken the time to look over her shoulder once to check on her girls. She keeps on smoking and talking. Now it is almost time for me to leave but I cannot leave these girls alone because their mother is not watching them at all. I need to make sure they are safe and I need to get ready for John Quinones and his crew to approach me and tell me how nice it was for me to take care of these girls and make sure they were safe and then introduce me to the "Mother" who really is an actress and all is good! Okay not so much.
I finally have to tell the girls we need to leave and I decide to walk the girls over to their mother and let her know that we were leaving and they had been playing with my daughter. I think this will let the woman know that she now needs to remember she has 3 little girls with her and pay attention. I approach the woman with her girls and they run up to her and tell her how much fun they have had playing with me and my daughter. She looks at me and says "Thanks for watching them, I am so tired and have had the worst week and needed a break." I am standing in shock for a few seconds with a plastered smile on my face as she tells the girls to get in their car next to the truck because it was time to leave. I say goodbye to the girls and as I walk away no camera crews were coming out of the bushes that day. I get my kids in the car still in shock that this mother just brings her kids to the park so she can get a break like it is a drop of day care center and some other parent will watch her kids. Good lord!
I was not on "What Would you Do?" that day, but I am ready for when it does happen!
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