Sunday, January 20, 2013

I was promoted to "Poop Queen!"

As a Mom I have many talents and I juggle many titles and jobs, but imagine my surprise and excitement when I found out this morning that I have been crowned "Poop Queen" by my family. Now if you have followed my blog you know that I am no stranger to the topic of Poop and many aspects of my life is surrounded by some type of poop whether it be human or animal.  Also, as a Mom you are so lucky to probably talk about poop several times a day from looking at poop, cleaning up poop, flushing poop, asking if someone pooped?, why does it smell like poop?, finding poop somewhere on you and by the grace of God you get to relax and poop in peace. Yes life is one big circle of Poop! Don't be mistaken by the "Circle of Life" but yes "Circle of Poop".

So today started like any old average Sunday and I was making my way to the coffee maker when I heard the familiar sounds of my kids discovering dog poop in the bathroom and squealing and screeching and exclaiming how gross it was and yelling for me to come quick. I roll my eyes and wonder how many times my kids need to see poop before they will not react this way. I make my way to the bathroom to find them looking at it and discussing how gross and how bad it smells and that maybe the dog stepped in part of it and what color it is and on and on. They could have already picked it up with toilet paper and flushed it by now, but no! Mom needs to see it and experience it and live it! I honestly think they feel they would be hurting my feelings by not letting me see it and pick it up. Then I tell them to get out of the bathroom as they take turns hopping over it and using the toilet for themselves and still exclaiming the whole time how gross it is! I manage to get them out and then the dog comes to inspect the situation and seems to look surprised that there is poop on the floor and looks at me as if I did it. I look back at him and ask him why he couldn't just eat his own poop once in awhile..yes people I did just say that. I am so sick of picking up poop and cleaning up poop..blah..blah...blah. So as I pick up the poop and flush it and grab some Lysol wipes to clean the floor my kids come back to make sure the deed is done. I ask them again "Why can't you guys pick it up once and awhile?" and they look at me with all seriousness and say "We know you like to do it?" As I stand there processing their words they continue "Yeah you are the Mom and you are Queen of the Poop!" I am still thinking about this and laugh out loud as they run away to play. My family actually truly believes I am the one in charge of poop and not only am I in charge of poop, but I love my role as Poop Queen and embrace it with such passion and enthusiasm. It all makes sense now!

So I move on with my day and my new title wondering if I might be getting a pay raise with this title or some sort of crown? Maybe I should be wearing some kind of badge or sash letting people know I am royalty. I thought about letting the guy know behind the deli counter and the guy pumping my gas today. This is huge news! This is not the kind of news that can be kept a secret. I bet there are Moms all over the world that don't even know they are part of a very special line of royalty. We should be having meetings and setting up rules, policies and procedures on how we will lead of our mighty kingdom of Poopland! Just when you think Motherhood could not get anymore rewarding your family pulls a secret like this out of the archives. It all makes sense now! I have such a renewed sense of fulfillment and purpose. I am walking a little taller today and there is a pep in my step and I have to say I am pretty excited. I want to shout from the rooftops and share my joy! I am Poop Queen!!

Not sure if there is an oath I should be taking, but I think it would go something like this...I Poop Queen...solemnly swear to wear my crown always with pride and dignity and promise to uphold the honor of Poop Queens everywhere..I promise to always flush every toilet I find with poop in it..I promise to run..not walk to every child's cry from the bathroom that they are ready to be wiped..I promise to pick up dog poop with a smile and twinkle in my eye..I promise to look over Poopland with a watchful eye and sniff out any poop that needs to be cleaned up and removed so nobody else ever be bothered by poop...I take my special skills very seriously and use them always for good and never for Evil!!!

I must go now my loyal subjects...I smell poop....

Until next time

Poop Queen

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