Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Margaret What the "Bleep" is wrong with you??!!

Everyday as a Mom is an adventure and some days are more adventurous then others but never a dull moment for sure. I often think that after having three kids and going through every stage possible that most things by this point in my Mom life would not shock me, but I was wrong! Of course I was wrong! Have I not met my youngest? Not only is everyday an adventure as a Mom but everyday and everytime I take my four year old out is an extreme adventure. So this fateful night was no different.

I should preface just a bit that as of recent one of my kids' favorite topics is what is a "bad" word and what isn't and constantly telling on each other and telling on their older brother and telling on my husband and I and who is falling on the bad word list! As we drive from activity to activity I usually hear fighting in the back seat and I get "Mom, Mikey said a bad word! He said the "S" word!" or "Mom, Shae said a bad word, she said the "D" word!" Usually in true MOTY fashion I try to tune them out and every so often just yell back "Both of you stop saying bad words!" But once in a while my interest peaks and I am like "What is the "S" word anyways?" Usually my 7 year old will tell me he cannot say it becuase it is on the bad word list and I say it is okay if you are telling your Mom..okay so go...wait for it...he musters up the courage and finally he says "Stupid". And I am like really that's all you got..and he is like Mom that is a bad word and I remember that I am a role model and say "of course it is and your sister should not be saying it!" Then I continue to ask and make sure I know what words are on the list becuase clearly we are talking about two different lists! So I get the "s" and "d" and "p" and "F" words galore..."Stupid..Stupid Head..Dumb Head..Poop head..and mother of all words "Friggin!" I think well that list isn't what I thought but maybe I am a better Mom then I thought if this is the bad word list for my kids..so I just remind my kids that yes no bad words will be spoken from that list, they are not nice. Okay maybe I am moving up on the Mother of the Year list..I rock....okay not so fast!

So typical crazy night of life, homework, laundry, clean up, let the dog out and ugh...need to run to the grocery store quick. I am about to run out quick, let my oldest know I will be right back but no that easy..my shadow otherwise known as my four year old daughter decides it will be so exciting to come for this quick adventure. Fine, let's go but it is going to be quick and you are not getting anything! So we get to the store and I opt to not grab a basket or cart..like I said quick..need two things..okay we run in grab the items and then of course grab two more and then two more..so my arms are full and at this point I am forced to head back to the front and grab a cart. With my daughter behind me I am about to place all of the items in the cart when I miss the cart and items go flying and crashing to the ground! Everyone around me stops from the sudden noise to look and see what the comotion is and before I can even comprehend what I did and how this happened and before I can even react..the voice behind me clear as day for the whole store to hear says "Margaret! What the F*** is wrong with you!!" My heart starts to race and my face is now bright red and hot and my head starts to pound and I am frozen for what seems like forever. My brain is trying to process what just happened and tell my body to react. I look up from where I had been starting to pick up items off the floor to see the stares of strangers..some older people with looks of disgust..some younger with smiles and snickers and one man came up close as to see what would happen and like there was going to be a show starting. And some were looking and waiting for a response almost saying "Yeah Margaret what the Bleep is wrong with you?" I swear time stood still..but really was like 20 seconds..and I turn to look at my daughter and I must have looked like the Exorcist because she was clearly frightened and stepped back confused and continued to talk loudly still "What's wrong Mom? F*** is not a bad word? What's wrong with F***?"  The stares continued and I tried to compose myself and be careful with my reaction. As a Mom these days we are all aware that everyone has a cell phone with camera capabilities and I was not looking to become a youtube sensation overnight. And then I wanted to address the crowd that still seemed to linger, waiting for my reaction and say "What are looking at? You never heard the F*** word before?" and then I thought better because they probably had not from a sweet looking 4 year old girl.

I took Shae by the hand and moved her behind a display of Oreos with her still confused and insisting she did not know why I was mad! I calmly explained to her that F*** was a very bad word and it was definitely on the bad word list and she was to never say it again no matter what! I then grabbed my items and went to the express checkout and moved quickly to the exit looking at the cameras over my shoulder wondering who really watches those tapes and how many am I on!! :)

I will now pay attention very closely when the review of the bad word list comes up and make sure my children are aware of the correct list! And I do realize that one of the criteria for Mother of the Year will not be having a four year old that swears like a truck driver coming off a 14 day road trip across the country!!

7 comments:

  1. OMG!!! You can't make this up!

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  2. Brilliant, as usual. Sadly, i would have probably continued to recite that lovely word over and over in my head both in the grocery store and in the car on the way home.

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  3. I love Shae. She keeps us all entertained and you have a great way of telling the story. So funny.

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  4. Been there!! You crack me up! Just think, without these lovely stories, what would we write about?

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  5. LOL! I just wrote about curse words around love bug yesterday. Glad to know I'm not alone!

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