Thursday, December 1, 2011

What the Elf!!!

As if the Holiday Season is not stressful enough for everyone, especially Parents trying to make all their kids Christmas dreams and magic come true..Enter the ELF!! Who would think such a small cute little thing could cause so much stress and insanity in a household! Don't let those things fool you. I am not going to lie, I jumped right on the whole Elf on a Shelf train and was all caught up in the magic and cuteness until I forgot about the reality of life and the stress of the Holidays and the stress of keeping up the whole Elf story with kids!! Not so cute anymore. And I really find it hard to believe a Mom created this whole Elf cult thing? Really? Just want to say Thanks, that falls in the category with giving a noisy annoying toy as a gift for a kids birthday. To make matters worse and more stressful someone thought it would be a great idea to make a kids movie about this Elf on a Shelf and I was stupid enough to let my kids watch it so I could get a half hour of peace and quiet. (The idea of a glass of wine in peace ruled over my better judgement) My kids already believed and followed the story and Elf rules but to see it just made it that much REAL! And when they saw that Elf go to the Elf Hospital after he was touched...good lord..that sent the seriousness to a code red level. And so it begins...

I am up making my morning coffee still half asleep when I hear the dreaded words from my kids mouths "Sam did not move! He is in the same spot!" Panic Mode has set in. I wake up really fast and my heart stops for a second as I scream inside my head to myself "I forgot to move the friggin Elf!!!" I had every intention but in between laundry and dishes and school lunches...oh it doesn't matter. I am so irritated that I have to start my morning like this and I have to think quick to make my kids feel better so in true MOTY fashion I say "What did you guys do?" They stop with wide eyes and mouths open looking at each other. The guilt creeps in that I turned it on them but it will build character I tell myself, no it is mean I know, but I am tired and cannot keep up with this whole Elf Bull S***..I continue "Are you sure you guys weren't fighting? Can you think of anything at all?" They start to blame each other and they start talking really fast and then I tell them to calm down and I continue my web of lies.."Sam loves you guys and he couldn't go back to the North Pole and have to tell Santa a bad report so he let that be a lesson to you have a second chance now!!" They seem better and seem to believe my story and move on with their morning routine. I start to sip my coffee and think I am not going to survive this Holiday season with this Elf and maybe I can make sure this Elf has an unfortunate sleigh accident or run in with a reindeer on his way back this year and will not be able to return next Christmas! What a pain! So I decide to launch into my Christmas cursing to make myself feel better and it is a great stress reliever also, so my tantrum goes something like this " What the Elf!..Son of an Elf!..Elf Me!..Son of a Nutracker!! Elf my Life! Jingle Balls!" I know I am so mature but Christmas cursing makes you feel better and still keeps you in the Christams spirit! I do realize that I cannot do this around my children because I would be getting calls from my daughter's  preschool teacher asking why my daughter has all the 4 year olds saying "What the Elf?"

I can already predict on December 1st that life with Sam the Elf will probably mean Santa can expect a glass of scotch on the rocks Christmas Eve instead of milk!


  1. lol I love saying Son of a Nutcracker... all year long.

  2. Yes! Son of a Nutcracker is one of my favorite and can withstand many seasons:)

  3. I can picture their faces now when you asked them what they did. Too funny!