Monday, December 26, 2011

Ho Ho Ho... Holy Sh**!!

So I am in a full blown Christmas Hangover today and I don't mean the good kind from Mommy 's little helpers  (Pinot Noir and Merlot). I am talking the total crash and burn from all the hype and magic overload that led up to the Big day! I don't know why I am never prepared for the Day after! I know it sounds like I am talking about a Nuclear attack, but pretty close. So out goes the magic and what is left but over tired kids coming off sugar highs from cookies, fudge, candy, soda, you name it! And a house that could make an episode of the show "Hoarders"! I want to say "Da** you Santa!"  Where did all the magic go? Well I can tell you it is not at my house.
So I wake up today thinking I will start the clean up and the kids will be so busy playing with all of their new toys and all will be good. Yeah that lasted all of 5 minutes! Each time I attempted to break down boxes, load the dishwasher or find a spot to sit down that was not covered in Christmas Chaos I was met with one of my children "Can you open this? How does this work? I need batteries? Will you play this with me?" So I as I try to assist them I am heading farther into hangover mode. It is absolutely ridiculous trying to open kids toys today, you need a tool box handy to make your way through the industrial strength plastic they are now packaged in and then once your in you are then faced with twist ties and screws bolted into the toys. I have paper cuts all over my fingers from the packaging and then to make matters worse you need a degree from Harvard to figure out how they work. Then patience is at an all time low and apparently the Santa card flew away with Santa Christmas Eve so nobody is watching and my kids are like "Bring it on Lady! What do you got? " Well I "got" nothing and I am so tired and I want to throw up the white flag. I decide to make another cup of coffee and try a restart.
One sip into my fresh cup of coffee and all hell breaks lose, my 7 year old comes running in the house in full blown panic that his remote control helicopter went missing. I am trying to process what he is talking about as I follow him out side. He explains that he was trying out his indoor remote control outside (Of course) and he has no idea where it went. Perfect!! I am so irritated by now and I go in the house to put my boots and coat on and head out to start the search party. How far could this thing go? My son is following me and saying how sorry he is and I am losing my MOTY composure and I yell "That was really expensive you know!" And he looks at me confused and said "What do you mean? I thought Santa brought it." I stop for a second and feel bad that he is so upset but I want to explain to him "Well yeah Santa brought it but do you think the elves work for free? And now that they have become unionized last year and don't get me started on all of the workplace injuries in the workshops sending the insurance rates through the roof and the big strike in the Spring of 2011 that forced Santa to bring in agency help at double the cost until they worked everything out, and the rise in health insurance costs...good lord!! " But no I just brush by his comment so I don't have to explain as I frantically search the yard and in the process step in the pie I put outside for the squirrels (don't ask) And my neighbor must have seen me in all my MOTY glory and came out to see what was wrong and decided to help me. (God Bless him) So of course he found it in his yard and all was right in my 7 year olds world and I continued on with my loss of magic hangover!
I just want to tell Santa he is Pain in my A**!!  And I am missing the magic!!

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