Wednesday, February 29, 2012

15 Things about Me! Come in and See!

So I am following in the footsteps of some very talented Mommy Bloggers and participating in the challenge of writing "15 Things about Me!!" So This is a shout out to Overworked Super Mom, You know it Happens at Your House Too and Somewhat Sane Mom!!
 So here is my attempt and list for people to learn a few things about this blogging Mom!!

1. I never grew up wanting kids and never thought I would have any kids. I actually did not even like kids and I hated babysitting. I would change the clocks to send the kids to bed early so I could watch TV and not have to deal with them. I know it sounds mean, but I had no patience for kids. So it is kind of funny that I have 3. I have 2 boys and 1 girl. Tyler 16, Michael 7 and Shae 4.

2. I am the youngest of 4 girls and have three older sisters that are also my best friends. We are so close and talk every day. It drives my husband and kids crazy that we are so close and have to talk every day and multiple times a day. Every time the phone rings my family says it must be one of your sisters calling...and they are right!! But I love it!! I always have 3 best friends no matter what. I am so lucky!

3. I love Christmas!! It is honestly my favorite time of the year and always has been. I love everything about it!! I still have a fake Christmas Tree up in my house and people will drive by and ask me if they saw a Christmas tree in the window. Yes!! Yes they did! I usually leave up at least 1 thing Christmas year round and find it funny to see it when it is in the middle of the summer..:) But I love the magic of Christmas and I Believe!

4. I also love Snow!! People get so annoyed by me because I love love Snow!! I grew up in the Berkshires and we always had lots of snow and life was wonderful! I still live in New England outside of Boston and I love our normally crazy winters. People will complain about Winter, but not me. And we are suppose to get a snow storm today and I am so excited and waiting!! Fingers crossed it is true!! I get so excited when I see the first snow flakes fall!!!

5.I live on Coffee!! Hot Coffee!! I drink Hot Coffee even in the summer..I do not understand Ice Coffee...Coffee is suppose to be Hot!! :)

6. I love Red Wine!! Love it!!! I have a sign in my kitchen that says "I cook with Wine and sometimes I put it in my food!" Love this sign! Sounds sad to admit I love wine, but I do!!

7. I love cold pillows! Sounds funny but I love to get in bed and rest my head on a cold pillow and when it warms up..then flipping it over and the other side being cold!! Awesome!

8. Love Sports!!! I am so into sports..Football is my favorite!! I get depressed when football season ends..I love being a girl that knows sports and can talk to guys about sports and they are always impressed about how much I know and most times I know more then them. I played soccer, basketball, and softball in school. My dream would be to have my little girl want to play football like her brother. A girl can dream!

9. I love Lip Gloss! All kinds and colors. I do not know why but I will always put lip gloss on even if I have not showered and I am in sweats and a Hot Mess! Lip gloss fixes everything and makes me feel good no matter what. It makes me feel girly!!

10. I am so competitive! I get myself in so much trouble sometimes because I talk so much trash and never back down from a challenge.

11. I am a very forgiving person! I never hold grudges ever and never stay mad at anyone. I feel being mad is a waste of energy.

12. I work full time as a Corporate HR Director and it is a crazy job but I love it! I work better with stress and I do love having a career and a family! I have been a stay at home Mom early on with my oldest son and then I did go back to work. I have the highest respect for all is crazy being a stay at home Mom and a working Mom!! We Moms rock!!

13.  I love volunteering and helping people. I volunteer a lot and it is one of my favorite things. I have always loved helping people even when I was a little girl. I do every walk or run to help raise money for people. I do the Relay for Life most years, I walk the Avon breast Cancer Walk with my sister every other year, I walk for Hunger, I walk for Autism, I walk for Diabetes, I run for ALS and many more. I always give coats and food and toys every Holiday and if I hear of a family struggling in my area I will drop off something to help. I always feel that helping is so important and I raise my kids the same way. My dream would be to go and help build houses or anything to help areas in need...especially in our own country. I would go anywhere, I feel I was meant to help people.

14. I have always wanted to be a writer! I love to write and grew up writing poems and stories. Unfortunately I was always told that I could not do that as a career and it could be a Hobby. I so wish I had someone supporting me to follow my passion. I raise my kids to do anything they want and sky is the limit and beyond! So I love blogging and it is so much fun. I know I am not the best writer and do not have an English degree from Harvard, I just love to write and being a part of a writing community!! So fun!1

15. Lastly, my big secret!! I love being a MOM!! Love it!! My kids are my life! I surprised myself because I never wanted kids or planned to have them ,but it happened and I was a natural Mom!! They drive me crazy and I will never be a Stepford Mom, but I love being a MOM!!

Thanks for reading and sorry if I bored you, but it was fun!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Star of the Week!!

So I am dropping my 4 year old daughter off at preschool right before school vacation week and the teacher grabs me and says "Don't forget your daughter is Star of The Week!! When we return to school." I am looking at her with a smile and nod my head as if I absolutely know what she is talking about, but as I walk away I start to process what she said and it hits me.."Are you kidding me? Star my A**...that is code for a school project on vacation week!! And it is Preschool for God sake!!" You know how I feel about school projects to begin with and now I have to do it on a vacation week...ugh...I sit in my car and curse out loud for a minute to make myself feel better. So my daughter comes home from school with a note explaining that she will need a poster board with pictures of her and all her favorite things and she will be the class leader all week and wear a special crown and then I can come in and read her favorite book to the class. I love how people assume the Mom would love to read a book in front of 18 kids!! I would rather be stung by bees, but my daughter is so excited and telling everyone she is Star of the Week!!

Okay so we get the poster board this week and start looking at pictures and what she wants to put on it and I try to get in my Mary Poppins on crack mode and help her with this. Then my brain goes to what I really would love to do if I knew the authorities would not be called and my children taken away. I wanted to put random pictures on the board that were not my daughter and not our family and for her favorite things put pictures of Las Vegas, slot machines, poker tables, Martinis and the Jersey Shore cast! And when I go in to read to the class I would read from the Vagina Monologues. A girl can dream right? The Stepford Mom's would die for sure! Little Bobby and Susie going home and asking their Mom what a "smoosh" room was.  But no...I summons my best Martha Stewart and my daughter goes with the pictures of our family from Disney and Christmas and she wants me to read "The Great Race". Not sure whose daughter she is but if you want to play it safe I will support her!

So maybe this Star of the Week won't be an episode from the Chelsea Handler Show, but there are many years until Graduation!!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Okay so Eve ate the apple, but it is okay for Adam to have crumpled up socks?

So this is part two of the Adam and Eve saga. I thought there needed to be a part two because even though a lot of us women blame Eve for eating that apple and throwing us into a lifetime of pain and suffering as women and as Mom's now raising daughters. What about Adam? It seems to me the guy got off pretty easy. What if God told Adam you can have anything you want in this Garden, the Bud Light beer tree, the nachos and wings, the 60 inch plasma TV, unlimited sports name it and it is yours. All I ask is that I never find one crumpled up stiff sock discarded anywhere in my "Garden". Adam would have been evicted Day 1! Especially with Eve running around with just a fig leaf on.

So I joke, but honestly we face the challenge of explaining to our daughters about periods, cramps, tampons, shaving Oh My!! Now boys are a different story. I remember a friend of mine telling me..or warning me when my oldest son was near teenage years, she said "Have you noticed towels missing or have you found any crumpled up socks in his room or under the bed?" I was thinking to myself what an odd question and growing up in a house of girls I had no idea about missing towels and socks. I told her, "No, not yet." And she told me it was a matter of time and said "Avoid the socks and when it starts just tell him to pick up all his own laundry and put it in the washing machine because he is old enough now, and sometimes you won't find any they will just go missing and whatever you do never open his bedroom door without knocking first once he starts closing it all of the time."  I still laugh to this day about her ominous warning, but as a Mom of boys that turn into teenage boys, she was so RIGHT!  So when people say boys are so easy..they are, but good lord there is no way to really prepare a Mom for the crumpled socks.

So my friend had me scared to enter my son's room and collecting laundry was like an episode of "Fear Factor".  I felt like I was waiting for something to happen and I was checking to see if towels were missing and looking under the bed praying I did not find anything. I totally understand that kids go through things and I also know that "It is totally natural to explore ones body" but when it is your baby it is a bit much to think about. So life went on as normal and things did start to change and the bedroom door started to close all the time and the bathroom door was locked always and showers seemed like forever! (I think Teeange boys could be the cause of water shortage problems) So I was armed with the knowledge of crumpled socks and I was prepared for my little boy to enter the world of "I rock because I am a man and have a Penis!" So my Victoria Secret catalogs started to go missing and the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition was no longer  gross but scooped up like "Gold" and cherished. Then "Sock Day" came and I must have let my guard down and forgot and went to collect the laundry and as I was taking the sheets of my son's bed a bunch of socks fell out and I froze, I felt like I should be wearing a Bio hazard suit and I was in the movie Outbreak and had been exposed to something. I gathered everything quick threw it in the wash and that was the last day I collected laundry in his room.

So you have been warned, Eve might have eaten the apple but Adam has some hidden crumpled socks in his Garden!!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I stayed at a Holiday Inn last I got this Mother thing..

One of my favorite commercials of all time were the ones for Holiday Inn that had people pretending to be Brain Surgeons or Race Car Drivers and people would ask if they knew what they were doing and they would say "I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night I got this.." That is pretty much how I feel most days as a Mom. There is no license, degree or certification that prepares is pretty much you get thrown in..handed a baby and see you later..Good luck!
So the other day I was helping my son with his homework and he said "Mom do you know what you are doing?" And I replied "I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night!" He looked at me like I was crazy, the same look I get most days from all my children, and just shook his head. I laughed because I wanted to say "Of course I have no idea what I am doing!!" What Mom really knows what she is doing or what she is going to face each new day of Motherhood.
We are the new breed of Super Heroes, you might not see the cape, but don't worry it is tucked behind the glamour to protect our identity. We can conquer anything thrown at as. I will never forget after I had my third child I was feeling overwhelmed and not sure I could do it and a good friend of mine said, "Crack addicts with 6 kids do it, of course you can do it!" I laughed and was like, "Not sure if she was trying to make me feel better or worse, but I was like yes I can do this, I am not a crack addict and I will be okay!!"  So when my kid throws a rock for no reason at a strangers shiny BMW in the grocery store parking lot and I say "Hurry up get in the car!!" and we get the Hell out of dodge. (yes we Moms are quick thinkers) Or when your baby has an explosive atomic diaper on an airplane and you have one wipe left in your bag and you manage to clean up 30,000 feet in the air with some sprite and beverage napkins. Nothing will stop us from conquering each day with kids in style and with grace. Yeah right!! So go time your kid knocks over a display at the store, or has a tantrum in public and throws themselves on the ground with everyone staring or your child tells a sweet elderly gentlemen "Stop looking at me old man!" just tell everyone to calm down you got this under control.."People it is okay..I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night I got this!!!" Yes they might think your nuts, but at that point..Do you really care??

So go ahead and enjoy your Super Hero status...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Damn you "Eve" for eating the apple!!

I was giving my 4 year old daughter a bath last night and as she was playing in the bubbles she stuck her leg out and was like "How can I get these dark hairs off my leg?" I was shocked that she would even notice at her age that she had hair on her legs and I was hoping and praying I had many years before having to deal with this subject. So I start to explain to her that everybody has hair and it is part of life and when she is older she will probably shave...and then she lost interest and went on playing in her 4 year old world. I laughed to myself as I went to get her a towel, but all I could think of was when I was a little girl and in Catholic schools and we learned about Adam and Eve and how Eve ate the apple she was told not to and now women are destined for a life of pain and suffering. I remember reading the passage in the bible that was talking about women suffering and in pain with cramps..(Something along those lines..) And as a little girl it sounded pretty scary and now as an adult I know it is pretty crappy at times dealing with all the topics of Womanhood, it is scary! And I will be helping to explain and educate my daughter on all of these topics, so at that moment I wanted to shout from the roof tops "Damn you Eve!!" (I know extreme but true) Was it honestly that hard to stay away from the one apple tree that was off limits? I am sure they had a Martini Bar somewhere in that Garden and I am sure there was a tree covered in chocolate truffles and don't get me started on all of the fresh grapes that could be turned into wine! But no you had to have that apple so now I am faced with explaining hairy legs and other parts, shaving, waxing, periods, cramps, maxi pads, tampons and mood swings Oh My!!! (Think I could make a song out of 40 Hit!!) I hope that was one hell of an apple!! It probably was not that attractive to be running around in fig leaf bikinis with hairy legs.

I would hope by now that you know I am kidding and not really blaming Eve for the challenges of raising a daughter (If you do not have a sense of humor you should probably leave) So I went to bed last night actually not looking forward to what will come with having a daughter. Yikes! Honestly I am a woman and not prepared at all!! Kids are a challenge in general but boys are so much easier..yes you have to deal with the stage of missing hand towels and crumpled up socks under the bed and rooms smelling like locker rooms, but pretty easy. Girls..ladies...young women..chicks...senoritas...a whole different story!! I had flashes of my journey to womanhood and laughed out loud! Good lord!! I remember being at a friends house and her outside the bathroom talking me through a tampon insertion. Or all the times of asking your friend to walk behind you and check if there was anything red on your pants and always having a sweater ready to wrap around the waist. Thank God I have some time to prepare because I definitely need preparation! I know they have books to read with your daughters to explain the changes and challenges they face with their bodies and becoming a woman, but I was thinking of going old school and handing my girl a copy of "Dear God are you there? It's me Margaret" I mean Judy Blume is a rock star and helped me through and answered a lot of questions for me..:) But honestly how do the books on the market right now really prepare our daughters? I am sure they are cute and put a sweet spin on some ugly truths, but I think we need to get real!! So I am thinking about putting together a little book, manual or guide if you want to call it to help my daughter through the crazy path of girlhood to womanhood and I like the title "Damn you Eve for eating the Apple!!"  Stay Tuned!!! 

For now Eve should wax to rock the fig leaves....

Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Stepford Mom's Kicked Cupid's A**!!!

So this week we had the big day of LOVE...Valentine's Day! Many people have mixed feelings about the day but for Mom's we do not really have a choice but to join the love fest for our children and support this HallMark Holiday. The dreaded note from the teacher came home once again that the classrooms would be celebrating V-Day and to send in a Valentine for every kid in the class and attached is a list of names. The instructions were to either have your child make Valentines at home (yeah okay, get real) or buy them at the store and then each child was to bring in a special snack for that day (for themselves, not the class). Seems pretty clear to me, but apparently the Stepford Mom's read those instructions as a chance to summons their inner Martha Stewart on crack!

 So I go the store and pick out a box of Valentines for my kids classes and I have to admit there are some cute ones and most come now with stickers, lollipops, tattoos, pencils or a piece of candy. My son was so excited to get Star Wars Valentines that came with a small magnet for each one which blew away his little Jedi mind. So for $3.99 he thought he was a Rock Star and he was excited to fill out the Valentines for his whole class and I laugh that he would start writing a name and spell it wrong and then cross it out and start over, they were a mess but he was so proud and who is 1st grade!(The over achievers would probably have a heart attack letting their kids hand in messy Valentines) Then I grabbed my daughter's Hello Kitty Valentines and filled them out really quick because she can barely write and I did not have the patience to go through 18 Valentines with her. So off they went to Celebrate a Day of Love with their classes and I was glad that it was over and I was so proud of myself that I actually managed to get them Valentines and filled out and to their classes.(Rock Star Status and maybe a few MOTY points...maybe)

That night at dinner I ask my kids how their day was at school and did they have fun? I tell them to go get their bags of Valentines so they can show me and tell me all about their Valentine parties. (Yes I can be nice at times and be all motherly, but don't spread that rumor) So they are so excited and bring me cute bags that they decorated at school and inside is all their Valentines. I start to look and for the most part they are normal Valentines we all buy at Target or Walmart, with SpongeBob, Power Rangers, Kittens, Star Wars, Hello Kitty, Disney Princess and on and on. Then of course, there always has to be the couple of over the top Stepford Mom Creations that annoy the crap out of me. What part of following instructions do these Mom's not understand? And do they honestly think the other parents believe their 1st graders did these Valentines?? And why don't these Mom's realize that it only makes trouble for the rest of the Mom's when we have to listen to our kids ask "Why didn't we do ones like that?" And I have to answer "Because we are not on crack!!" I totally understand that some people love to get their craft on and use these Holidays to put their Stepford in Hyper drive and I say "All the Power to you!!" but keep it in your house! And if you cannot help yourself and you cannot follow the directions of the teacher then please send in a disclaimer with your "crack creations" It should say "I am sorry but I cannot help myself! I have a void to fill and need to be an over achiever, I have not worked this out in Therapy yet, but I am trying. I know I will annoy the rest of you Mom's with my over the top Martha Stewart, Good Housekeeping creations!! Also I am in a loveless marriage but need to keep up the perfect perception of the Norman Rockwell family. Also it is not easy being a Stepford Mom I was up until 5am making these perfect Valentines and I will need to take an extra dose of my anti anxiety medication to get through the day!" Then I would be like okay they are crazy but they know it and we can all move on.

So you can take your homemade crafts and shove them where your Son of a Martha Stewart don't shine! And I am going to propose at the next school board meeting that Parent's have a choice to be in a class with Stepford Mom's or not. The class list right now has peanut allergy alerts and I think it should also have Stepford Mom alerts!!

Please answer the following questions?

1. Do you contact the teachers over the summer to be the first to ask to be class Mom?
2.Are your kids dressed perfect everyday with matching outfits and hair perfectly combed?
3.Do you insist on going on every field trip with your child's class?
4.Do you get a teacher gift for every Holiday including Flag Day?
5.Do you actually read to your kid every night for 20 minutes as suggested by the school?

If you answered yes to these questions then an "SM" will be listed next to your child's name on the class list.

But to be fair to the Stepfords they should be warned if their kids are in class with the rift raft of the underachieving wine drinking Mom's.

Please answer the following questions?

1.Does your child ever wear matching clothes to school or have his/her hair combed?
2.Can you be sure your child will never teach another child a swear?
3. Would you rather drink Bloody Mary's and Mimosas then go with your child's class to a farm or pumpkin patch?
4. Do you ever remember to bring a camera or video camera to your child's school plays and Holiday Concerts?
5. Are you the last one to make their way to the Volunteer sign up list and then find it is full? Darn!!!

If you answered yes then call me you are my kind of Mom!!

Okay sorry Cupid but the SM's kicked your a&&..maybe next year buddy!!! Maybe you can compete with the homemade cupcakes from cupcake wars or the homemade flower bouquets made out of Hershey kisses!!!

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Book Looker!!!! Oh No!!!

Monday morning madness was upon us once again this morning and all hell was breaking lose. For some reason my family is in denial every week that Monday will come again...but it does!!!! So racing around dragging kids out of bed, finding clothes, backpacks, making lunches and throwing breakfast at them and race to make the bus and get to work! So in the middle of the madness today my 7 year old says "Mom I totally forgot.. have you seen my library book? If I don't bring it today I will be a Book Looker again!!" I stopped to see his eyes wide and a look of pure panic!!! I actually thought he was going to cry, so the guilt is too much to carry on this Monday so I run upstairs to his bedroom to start the search. I tear apart his room and then head to his little sister's room AKA "The Beast" and of course she had taken it and put it in her big basket of stuffed animals to torture her brother and hide it. I race back to show him I had found it and he was so relieved, so I had to ask.."What is a Book Looker?" My son starts to tell me in a very serious tone.."If you forget to bring back your Library book you are not allowed to pick a book out or touch a book at all, you can only look at them.." This did actually perk my curiosity and I thought he had to be exaggerating because I understand not letting kids take another book out until they bring back the first so they can keep track, but honestly they are not even allowed to touch a book! For real? So I asked my son again "They do not even let you touch or pick up a book and get ideas for next week? Your not taking it out of the Library." And he says, "No Mom, if you forget your book you are separated from the kids who did remember their books and the Librarian calls you a Book Looker, you can look as you walk around but NO Touching!" He then had to run out to the bus, and I was left standing there thinking about this Book Looker situation and started laughing out loud!

So I am driving to work thinking about my son and his class heading to the Library today and those poor kids whose delinquent Mom's forgot to pack their Library books...they will be BOOK LOOKERS!!!! Oh the shame and horror and I bet they get to wear the Scarlet Letters of B & L so all the other kids know that they are the poor kids whose parents did not care enough to send them with their books (that was me last week). And they have to walk around all these glorious books that are just screaming to be picked up and read, but No..they can only dream of maybe the next week they will join the upper class of the 1st graders and be part of the TOUCHERS and FEELERS!!! I honestly want to know what happens if a Book Looker gets really crazy and ghetto and reaches out and tries to cop a quick feel of a book. Do they get zapped!! Good Lord!!

 In all seriousness this is a make or break moment for these 1st graders and how successful they will be in life. Let's get real people, do you honestly see a "Book Looker" getting into the best schools? You do realize Harvard asks Have you ever been a Book Looker? If so, How many times? They don't want the rift raft of Book Lookers in the IVY leagues, oh no they do not! And what Book Looker is going to get the best jobs and most handsome and beautiful partners in life? Not going to happen. You can just know that if you do not make sure your kids Library book is in their backpack you just gave your kid a one way ticket to Loserville!  They will be plagued their whole life with doubt and lack of self esteem. They can hope at best for Community College and maybe some dates from Match.Com. And their best friends will be Jack and Daniels with some visits from Anti Depressants! You have been warned!....

Just Kidding!!!! I say screw the Librarian and her rules!! Let kids be kids and go crazy! Let them walk up and down the rows and rows of books and rub their germ ridden hands all over them!! And maybe my kid might just lick one...A Mom can dare to dream!!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

From the Paw and not the Jaw!! A Dog's Eye View!

I was sitting down the other night after another insane day in the life of a Mother of the Year hopeful (yeah right) and I had just took a sip of my wine and looked over at my poor dog who had this look like he wanted to say.."At least you have wine B****!!!" I started to talk to him.."You know I love you buddy! You must long for the quieter days before there were three!!" He lifted up his head and looked at me like he wanted to respond and then let out a sigh and rolled over on his bed and closed his eyes to cherish the quiet with the gremlins in bed, before the start of another crazy day! So I thought it was time "Taz" had a chance to give his rant or woof, so I decided to help him and let him have a guest spot on my here goes...

Not sure where to start because I have never written anything before and I am not that great with the keyboard, but bare with me. My name is Taz and I am an 11 year old pug that is over weight (classified as morbidly obese by my vet) I have uncontrolled Diabetes and I have cataracts in both eyes, so my sight is not good at all, I see shadows at best. (My owner MOTY blogger likes to tell everyone I am just blind!). I live with my Mom and Dad and their three "Gremlins" as I like to refer to them as or "Offspring", whatever works . I want to start by saying that I do love my family and my Mom does try and I do eat well (hence the obesity issue!), but as my Mom would say "it is not all Rainbows and Unicorns!" Most days I try to just stretch out and relax on my bed and keep a low profile, but that does not always work. I really wanted to have the opportunity to tell my Mom that "I live in the same house!!!" I listen to her go on and on about how she could have been Mother of the Year if...only if....blah blah sick of listening to her rants. It is almost a daily thing to hear her on the phone with one of her sisters about how hard it is and how stressed she is and she is doing the best she can! Again I say blah..blah...blah. I want to say "Cry me a river B****! Let me get me violin!" Most days I just tune it all out and it kind of sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher...wan wannwan wann wan... She thinks she has it so bad and life as a Mom is so hard..well try being the family dog! So let's take a stroll down memory lane shall we. The excitement of being brought home for the first time and the family is so excited about a puppy and all of the attention and toys and fresh water galore. Life was heaven during those days. And at the time you had one gremlin who was 5 years old and was out of the baby stage and never wanted to pull my curled out tail and make it straight or put fingers in my bug eyes or cover me in a million blankets or dress me up. No life was pretty quiet and I was fed on time and I received minimal table scraps if any and remember when I was brought to the vet regularly and kept up on all my shots...those were the days. Remember when you would get me my dog license and I was legit! Then the dark days came (As I like to call them) Enter gremlin two and I had no idea what a baby was and I had no idea why my Mom was so different now, you started to yell more at everyone including me..instead of "Hey is my boy!!" and a scratch behind the ears I was met with "Get out of my way! I keep tripping over you! Don't go near the baby! Don't chew the baby toys they are not yours!" (well they sure look like dog toys, how was I suppose to know!) And then as the baby grew and the yelling became constant and crying from everyone, you and the gremlins! Peace and quiet gone. There was never food in my bowl anymore..I had to trip you to make you look at me and realize I had not eaten, I had to lower my standards and get water from the toilet bowl so I did not dehydrate and die, I cannot remember the last time I went to the vet..and no new shiny dog license. Then I would get yelled at for eating the gremlin's food that he threw on the floor. Give a dog a break..if it is on the floor that is my domain! Then all of a sudden things got worse if you would imagine..I felt horrible all of the time. I could not help myself and was peeing everywhere and you were a nut case (More then usual) freaking out because I could not stop peeing. You finally broke down and brought me to the vet. I sat there as you cried and told the vet how overwhelmed you were and pregnant with a third gremlin! You were told I had Diabetes and needed two insulin injections a day..I know you asked if it was something I should be put down for..don't think I don't know what you were whispering in the corner. Thank God the vet said no! You cried the whole way home and talked about the time and money and how are you going to do it? I wanted to be like "Listen crazy woman it is not my fault you went and got yourself knocked up again and it is not my fault your gremlins feed me everything from twinkies to steak and now I am overweight and have sugar problems!!" So we start the injections and yes they do hurt, I know the vet said I wouldn't feel it..I do! And then enter the beast or gremlin three!! I never thought life could get worse. My hopes of ever going to the vet on time and be up to date with my shots are gone forever and you would rather be on a warrant list then go to Town Hall and get me licensed and I am not allowed at the Dog Park because we are not positive I do not have Rabies and there is no proof from the vet! So forget me ever having friends. I have not been taken for a real walk in forever..just let out in the backyard so my paws have not felt pavement in years, so my nails get so long they curl under and sometimes break..Thanks! And for the record it is not cute when the gremlins make me get my overweight butt on the couch and cover me with blankets and then I get yelled at because I am not suppose to be on the furniture. And yes I do Poop in their playroom and sometimes on one of their toys for pure "shits and giggles!" I am beyond caring about getting yelled at. And news flash..I am blind not dumb and not deaf and I can smell! So when you crack open your Merlot and pour yourself a glass of peace and relaxation..would it kill you to throw a Valium or something in my water bowl? Again I live here also and I am on this crazy train we call our family!! Okay that is it for now...Thank you...I feel better after that rant..I might come back for another!!

Woof Woof Taz....

Friday, February 10, 2012

Disney- Pixar is so nothing says family bonding like Lifetime!

I am well aware that after this last MOTY moment my application will be shredded for sure. There is always next year! I should have known that I was in trouble when it involved the Lifetime channel and I could hear my husband's voice in my head saying "Nothing good comes from the Lifetime channel, someone is always crying or dying or trying to kill someone.." I will never tell him he was right, but the rule in our house is if he is home and we are watching Lifetime drama!!! But we women love the drama!! I will get to that part soon..

So life as a Mom can be pretty exciting...okay let's get real. Sometimes it can be so boring trying to be such a role model all of the time. Everything seems to fall in the world of Barney and I love you and you love me! (If I heard that song one more time I would throw up) And then you move up to the crazy world of Wiggles and Thomas the Train, Dora the Explorer (My friend calls her Dora the Whora, I laugh every time, I know so mature) And when you have really gone crazy we make our way to Spongebob Square Pants and ICarly world. So I am trying to raise my kids with values and morals (I said I was trying) and also trying to shelter them from the big bad world as long as possible, so I try to live by the mantra of no swears, no sex, no violence   when it comes to their choices of shows, movies and music. I know some people who know me would not think that I would be that strict and probably think my household is an episode of Kids Gone Wild (not a real show, but sounded good!) but I keep the adult shows off until they go to bed for the most part, my younger ones are not allowed to watch my oldest playing his video games that contain mature content (he was only allowed in the last year, we figured we would let him before he turned 18 and left the house) and forget the news ever being on, talk about the worst influence. I have no idea what is going on in the world, I will go to work and people will be like isn't that horrible what happened in Ohio and I have no idea and they look at me like I live in the rural woods of West Virginia and cable TV has not made it there yet. So I think I have set the tone here to get my point across that I do try to be a good Mom and my kids are not opening bottles of wine for me and we are not hanging out in smoky bars playing Keno on a school night and I am not taking my kids to R rated movies. So with that said, sometimes Mom's have lapses in judgement and forget that we have children, not all the time but it happens!

So this past weekend I went to visit my sister and my 7 year old son was going to have a sleepover with my nephew and all was good. Well it was good until the Lifetime channel and the "Orphan" entered the picture! The kids were all playing and everyone else was visiting and we were going to have dinner together and then I was going to leave my son for his sleepover. My Niece was watching a movie on Lifetime and I asked what it was and she was telling me it was about a little girl that had been adopted by this family but she really was a 40 year old woman with some rare condition that made her look young and was not really a 9 year old girl. How creepy is that, so of course I wanted to see what this was all about and then my sister also joined and as we were watching this "Orphan" movie the kids were still playing in other parts of the house but they started coming in and asking what we were watching and that is when we should have shut it off but we were so close to finding out what happens and our judgement went out the window. We kept telling the younger ones "it is a scary movie that you do not want to see so go play in the other room" That worked for awhile but I was so engrossed in this creepy movie that I was not aware that they had come back in the room and were also watching and at one point my 4 year old daughter's voice came behind me and scared me because I did not know she was there and she asked "why did that girl put a pillow over her brother's face" I turn around to her horrified wide eyes and I tell her "She was just kidding they were playing", then my brain is like great now she is going to think that is playing and I am going to find her in my 7 year old's room with a pillow. Good lord! So the Movie continues as we keep telling the kids not to watch and go play as we are glued to this crazy movie and how it ends! So the madness of a psycho girl/woman child who escapes from a mental institution and fools families into adopting her and then she kills them might not be winning an academy award but I will admit I did get pulled in and was mesmerized. So the night continues we have dinner and the kids are all playing and life is good! I get ready to leave with my daughter and say goodbye to my son and all is good, I kiss him goodbye and tell him I will see him in the morning. I am not even in my car with the door shut yet and my son comes running out of the house barefoot and sobbing hysterically and telling me not to leave him. I am so confused he loves sleepovers and never has cried when I leave, so I go down the list trying to figure out what was wrong. Did he feel okay? Did he have a fight with his cousin? What could be wrong? He does not know, just will miss me too much so he comes home with me. We decide to plan a sleepover another time. I am convinced he must be getting sick with everything going around. It was very strange behavior from him. He asks to sleep with me that night and is very clingy..still I think nothing but he must be getting sick. I let my husband know he came home and  also called my mother-in-law because she takes the kids to church and I wanted to let her know that he was home. Everyone was surprised he changed his mind. And MOTY keeps telling everyone he must be sick..never once did the "Orphan" come up. (How could that possibly have anything to do with it??!!)

So the next morning I drop the kids at my Mother in Law's house before Church and the kids were playing and all seemed right with the world. A little while later my phone rings and my Mother -in-Law calls me and says "I know what is wrong with Mikey? Did you know he watched a really scary movie at your sister's house?" My heart skipped a beat and I started to panic..and my thoughts were like "Of course I know..I was watching it with him! dirty little secret is out! Yes MOTY let her kids watch a God awful creepy movie and they are now probably scarred for life!" I try to say that yes my niece was watching a scary movie but they were not in the same room and they only saw a quick minute of it but nothing bad, so I don't think that was the reason. And my Mother-in-Law was like.."No I think he watched quite a bit..he knew many details about a girl trying to kill her family and she pushed a girl off the playground and she broke her leg and she started a fire and smothered her brother with a pillow and stabbed her father in the chest...and on" I think to myself yeah those are some good details. She tells me it is not a good idea for them to watch those movies and I do agree. As I am hanging up my husband is like"What was that all about?" I am like good lord I cannot tell him I let my kids watch his most hated channel..but I have no choice "I was watching lifetime with my sister and the kids came in and saw parts of a scary movie.." I had to just get it over with like pulling off a band aid!! I waited to be blasted...but he just shook his head and looked at me like really nice MOTY and he said "I told you no good comes from Lifetime drama..." So my kids were off to Church to cleanse their souls from the evils of Lifetime and I called my sister quick to let her know..."I know why Mikey would not sleep over your house..the Orphan!!!" And she was like "I figured after my son would not let me leave his side last night either.." I started to laugh so hard with her as I kept thinking last night what could be wrong with him? I was convinced he was sick...not once did it occur to me MOTY that it was he was petrified after watching the creepiest movie ever and that it possibly could be that he was scared from the girl/woman child who tried to kill her whole family and kills the Nun from the orphanage with a hammer and dresses up like a slut and tried to seduce her father when he is drunk....SO Normal!! What is scary about that!! Okay so lesson learned and my kids are back to Sponge Bob and Lifetime has been blocked from our channels. My 7 year old now insists his closet be closed at all times when he goes to sleep and let's just add that to his therapy list for when he is an adult..I can just see it now "It all started when I was little and watched the scariest movie ever with my own Mother!!" Great, and I apologize to his future wife now that even when he is an adult he will insist the closet door be closed before bed!!!

So who wants their kids over for a can trust me! We will be watching Nightmare on Elm Street and playing Grand Theft Auto....Go Big or Go Home I always say!! So when I lose MOTY points...I Lose Big!!! Stupid "Orphan" I still am afraid to go to sleep......