Saturday, February 11, 2012

From the Paw and not the Jaw!! A Dog's Eye View!

I was sitting down the other night after another insane day in the life of a Mother of the Year hopeful (yeah right) and I had just took a sip of my wine and looked over at my poor dog who had this look like he wanted to say.."At least you have wine B****!!!" I started to talk to him.."You know I love you buddy! You must long for the quieter days before there were three!!" He lifted up his head and looked at me like he wanted to respond and then let out a sigh and rolled over on his bed and closed his eyes to cherish the quiet with the gremlins in bed, before the start of another crazy day! So I thought it was time "Taz" had a chance to give his rant or woof, so I decided to help him and let him have a guest spot on my here goes...

Not sure where to start because I have never written anything before and I am not that great with the keyboard, but bare with me. My name is Taz and I am an 11 year old pug that is over weight (classified as morbidly obese by my vet) I have uncontrolled Diabetes and I have cataracts in both eyes, so my sight is not good at all, I see shadows at best. (My owner MOTY blogger likes to tell everyone I am just blind!). I live with my Mom and Dad and their three "Gremlins" as I like to refer to them as or "Offspring", whatever works . I want to start by saying that I do love my family and my Mom does try and I do eat well (hence the obesity issue!), but as my Mom would say "it is not all Rainbows and Unicorns!" Most days I try to just stretch out and relax on my bed and keep a low profile, but that does not always work. I really wanted to have the opportunity to tell my Mom that "I live in the same house!!!" I listen to her go on and on about how she could have been Mother of the Year if...only if....blah blah sick of listening to her rants. It is almost a daily thing to hear her on the phone with one of her sisters about how hard it is and how stressed she is and she is doing the best she can! Again I say blah..blah...blah. I want to say "Cry me a river B****! Let me get me violin!" Most days I just tune it all out and it kind of sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher...wan wannwan wann wan... She thinks she has it so bad and life as a Mom is so hard..well try being the family dog! So let's take a stroll down memory lane shall we. The excitement of being brought home for the first time and the family is so excited about a puppy and all of the attention and toys and fresh water galore. Life was heaven during those days. And at the time you had one gremlin who was 5 years old and was out of the baby stage and never wanted to pull my curled out tail and make it straight or put fingers in my bug eyes or cover me in a million blankets or dress me up. No life was pretty quiet and I was fed on time and I received minimal table scraps if any and remember when I was brought to the vet regularly and kept up on all my shots...those were the days. Remember when you would get me my dog license and I was legit! Then the dark days came (As I like to call them) Enter gremlin two and I had no idea what a baby was and I had no idea why my Mom was so different now, you started to yell more at everyone including me..instead of "Hey is my boy!!" and a scratch behind the ears I was met with "Get out of my way! I keep tripping over you! Don't go near the baby! Don't chew the baby toys they are not yours!" (well they sure look like dog toys, how was I suppose to know!) And then as the baby grew and the yelling became constant and crying from everyone, you and the gremlins! Peace and quiet gone. There was never food in my bowl anymore..I had to trip you to make you look at me and realize I had not eaten, I had to lower my standards and get water from the toilet bowl so I did not dehydrate and die, I cannot remember the last time I went to the vet..and no new shiny dog license. Then I would get yelled at for eating the gremlin's food that he threw on the floor. Give a dog a break..if it is on the floor that is my domain! Then all of a sudden things got worse if you would imagine..I felt horrible all of the time. I could not help myself and was peeing everywhere and you were a nut case (More then usual) freaking out because I could not stop peeing. You finally broke down and brought me to the vet. I sat there as you cried and told the vet how overwhelmed you were and pregnant with a third gremlin! You were told I had Diabetes and needed two insulin injections a day..I know you asked if it was something I should be put down for..don't think I don't know what you were whispering in the corner. Thank God the vet said no! You cried the whole way home and talked about the time and money and how are you going to do it? I wanted to be like "Listen crazy woman it is not my fault you went and got yourself knocked up again and it is not my fault your gremlins feed me everything from twinkies to steak and now I am overweight and have sugar problems!!" So we start the injections and yes they do hurt, I know the vet said I wouldn't feel it..I do! And then enter the beast or gremlin three!! I never thought life could get worse. My hopes of ever going to the vet on time and be up to date with my shots are gone forever and you would rather be on a warrant list then go to Town Hall and get me licensed and I am not allowed at the Dog Park because we are not positive I do not have Rabies and there is no proof from the vet! So forget me ever having friends. I have not been taken for a real walk in forever..just let out in the backyard so my paws have not felt pavement in years, so my nails get so long they curl under and sometimes break..Thanks! And for the record it is not cute when the gremlins make me get my overweight butt on the couch and cover me with blankets and then I get yelled at because I am not suppose to be on the furniture. And yes I do Poop in their playroom and sometimes on one of their toys for pure "shits and giggles!" I am beyond caring about getting yelled at. And news flash..I am blind not dumb and not deaf and I can smell! So when you crack open your Merlot and pour yourself a glass of peace and relaxation..would it kill you to throw a Valium or something in my water bowl? Again I live here also and I am on this crazy train we call our family!! Okay that is it for now...Thank you...I feel better after that rant..I might come back for another!!

Woof Woof Taz....

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