Friday, January 20, 2012

The Tooth Fairy has a drinking problem and the Easter Bunny is a player..

I love rewriting all of the childhood fairy tales and magical characters one successful day of motherhood after another!! I thought I was done with all the magic for awhile after the overweight man in the red suit took his creepy elf and fled town. Of course not!

So as I sit back to relax with a glass of wine and punch my time card "out" for the day and I am off duty as a Mom until the morning, it happens!  My 7 year old comes running in yelling and frantically waving his hand in the air and then stands in front of me to present his golden prize!! And as he opens his hand slowly to reveal the tiny white tooth with blood, my brain is saying "Crap!!" and he is saying "Mom..Look! I finally lost that tooth I have been working on!! Isn't that great!!" He is so excited and cute, but the timing could not be any worse. It is 9:00pm at night and I have no money to put under his pillow and more importantly I do not want to get up and find the tooth bag that the Tooth Fairy takes the special tooth from. Why do we torture ourselves and start these traditions in the first place? Who says it has to be money? I am kicking myself for not starting with apples, crackers, pencils, toothpaste or anything random!

As my son is still standing there bouncing with excitement I start my web of lies.."This is so exciting! Too bad it is after 5:00pm though..the Tooth Fairy will have to come tomorrow night" And there it is...Don't ask me why? He looks at me confused and asks "Why does it matter what time?" And the story I want to tell is "Because if it is after 5:00pm then the Tooth Fairy starts drinking the wine and you know she cannot drink and fly and then try to use magic pixie dust..very dangerous! And after 5:00pm she turns into a total hot mess and very unreliable! I also heard she has been shacking up with the Easter Bunny and we all know that Bunny gets around! Good lord! And you want her in your room in the middle of the night smelling like booze and carrots..oh no..we need to give that girl some warning!" Like I said that is the story I want to tell.. but no I begin to tell him.."If a child loses a tooth after 5:00pm it is too late to get on the Tooth Fairy list and she will come the next night. She makes her list and plans before 5:00pm every night and before it gets dark, because she has to check all the weather reports for the world and if she has to go to cold parts she needs her special warmers that she puts on her wings so they don't freeze up on her.. and it is snowing out there tonight, we would not want her to get hurt." And as I am not even finished my son is looking very confused but seems to buy it and is just excited that she will be coming even if he has to wait a night. And he asks "How much do you think I will get?" He does not even wait to hear my answer as he runs off to get a bag to put his prize tooth in and is buzzing with the joy and excitement of all the magic and wonder of a visit from the Tooth Fairy.

I sit back to finish my relaxing Mom time and think that was a close one..but it might not be so easy next time.


  1. And then to make matters worse my son comes in this morning crying because the Tooth Fairy came and took his tooth but left nothing! I assure him she had to leave something (because I did not wait up until very late to sneek in and place it under his pillow!! I know for a fact it is there!!) I tell him to look again and he still says nothing..I have to get up early on a Saturday to find the money that I left..All is was found!!

  2. HA! I am ALWAYS spinning lies to my children to make my life easier--I am just happy that other people do it, too! I LOVE the whole smelling like booze and carrots thing--STILL laughing at THAT one!