Saturday, January 28, 2012

I am going to put $10 in the $%^&#@ bad word jar before the weekend starts!!

Happy $%^&*# Weekend to all you Mom's and Dad's! You ask why I am swearing or my fake swearing? because I can, just because I can if I want! Well the kids are still asleep (or should I say the Mom police are still asleep) and so when I can sneak a rare moment of alone time I just choose to say a few choice words. Go ahead and try it, makes you feel so good sometimes!! It has been one of those weeks and they happen and it is okay, life is not perfect but it has been costly for me. I am currently up to $6.75 from just this week in bad words! And let me just clarify that I am not walking around swearing like what must have been flying in the Ravens locker room after Sunday's game..good lord no! I might have a slip of a good Friggin or Crap or the mother of all words according to my 7 year old future priest son "God!!" (Mom it is Gosh!! not God! Yes I have taken the Lord's name in vain). And yes a few of the A list bad words have been known to surface but I always make sure I leave the room or go around the corner or mutter under my breath but every time I hear the all to familiar voice behind me "Mom you said a BAD WORD! You need to put money in the jar!!" It is so annoying! So after the week I have had and already being in the hole $6.75 I told my kids I am putting $10 in before the weekend even starts because I can already pretty much see in my crystal ball how things are going to be. (&^*%$ ^&%$#@*&^%!!!!)

Again this would fall under the category of do as I say, not as I do! Most of you know I have already had to deal with the embarrassment of having my 4 year old daughter ask me what the "Bleep" is wrong with me in a crowded store, so I use great restraint as I navigate the stressful days as a Mom! But let's get real, I am never going to be using "Oh Sugar and Spice, or Nuts!! Maybe, Hot Fudge Brownies and Ice Cream!!" and if your really mad you add sprinkles, good lord cover my ears!! I might blush thinking of all the Mom "swears". I do have friends that claim they never swear and I have heard them use the candy sugar coated swears like "frosted snow balls!" or "fudge cakes" and I am always amazed like "Really? Are you serious?" I am aware there are the Mom's that claim everyday is a day at Disney World and Motherhood is a magical journey sprinkled with Fairy Dust, okay I want whatever pill it is they take because I am convinced they take something. Those have to be the closet Mom's that lock themselves in a closet and have a good ole swear fest and couple of swigs of Mommy juice and then all is good and back to the Good Ship Lollipop!! I cannot wait for my alone time in the mornings when the kids are on the bus or dropped at school and it is just me in the car and I honestly will just swear out loud in my car with no little voices behind me adding up my bad word bill, it is so fun and I am well aware that people watching me at red lights probably think I belong in a locked down unit but it is a great Mom release!

So a quick recap of the highlights of my week went something like this...My Blind Diabetic dog was left outside because I forgot in the madness of life with three kids to let him back in and he managed to make his way to the middle of the road in front of my house and decided to lay down and stop traffic and cause a large group of people to circle him and talk about what they should do and where are the negligent owners and I go running outside to scoop him up and apologize to them and Thank them so much for stopping and not running him over as my kids watch from the front door crying and screaming that he could have died and what is wrong with me!! and then because I was so freaked out about forgetting him outside and almost being the reason for his demise I then find no time to let him out where I can watch him and not forget he decides to start pooping in the kids play room on their toys and so I am met with frantic screams when they discover this and my 4 year old daughter is determined to pee like her brothers standing up no matter how many times I tell her boys and girls are different and it will not work so I step in pee for the 100th time when I walk in the bathroom and then as I clean up the pee again I realize that the kids bathroom could win 1st place at the regional science fair for whatever forms of slime and bacteria are growing in there and then I go to work for a training in front of 30 people and there is a princess sticker stuck to my butt that my daughter thought would be funny and someone had to point out to me in the middle of my presentation....and this is just the top highlight reel...there is more!! So yes I will be putting $10 in the bad word jar and I will enjoy every single dollar!!!!

So when you have one of those days as a Mom or one of those weeks!!! And "frosted sugar cookies" and "Holy Gingerbread Man" is not going to cut it then cut yourself some slack...throw some money in the jar and go crazy *&^%$#*&^@#$ *&*^%$#@!!!!!

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