Monday, April 30, 2012

This Girl Does not Need a Truth Serum!

One would think a trip to the Dentist could be accomplished without any major problems...right? Let me start again. Bringing all three of my children (that would include my 4 year old daughter AKA The Beast) and myself  early in the morning before school and work to all get our teeth cleaned. What was I thinking when I made that appointment? It felt like I was on an episode of "Survivor" just getting everyone up, dressed and out of the house by 7:00am. (And my daughter was already plotting against me!) So we arrive, barely, and I get the looks like you are late and we are the first appointments of the day and they are all waiting for us (Great more Guilt). There is not a second to breath as we are all being moved to our spots out back and the craziness begins. They take my older son on his own and then set up my other two younger ones in chairs next to me so we are all close by. I know their thinking is I can be close by to help or so they don't get scared but good lord let the fun begin.
For whatever reason if you give my daughter a chair of any kind to sit in, it turns instantly into a Therapy couch for her and it becomes her time to really let loose and unload everything off her chest that is weighing heavy on her 4 year old mind. So if she is at the salon getting her hair cut, or if I take her to get her nails done, or when she sits next to her brother at the Barber Shop, sitting at the Pediatrician's office and especially at the Dentist's office relaxing in that big long chair that they recline back. My daughter does not need any encouragement to open up and talk, she has that talent down pat! She could win an Olympic Gold medal if talking was a sport.  I cringe whenever she is sitting in a chair and it is like her instant Truth Serum and then it begins..The Questions. "How old are you? Are you in school? I Love your beautiful hair with all the curls.." I brace myself for my daughter to get started and the flood gates open and there is no coming back.

The worst part for me at the Dentist is I am laying helpless in the chair next to her with my mouth open and a suction and all the tools going in and out and I have no chance to stop her. All I can do is sit, listen, cringe and feel my face turn three shades of red. My daughter starts to answer the questions and finds it so much fun she decides to jump ahead and not wait for questions to be asked but to take over and tell all of her stories and in the process all the family secrets (Or all the reasons I will not be getting title of Mother of the Year). It went something like this...My daughter says,"You know it is not polite to use your middle finger?" and the woman says, "Oh yes that is not nice." and my daughter says, "You know what it means right?" By now my heart is beating so fast and I am bracing myself for where this is going and the looks I will be getting as to why my 4 year old is talking about flipping people off. The woman replies "Yes I know what it means.." and her voice does sound like she is now trying to steer my daughter off this subject but it will not be working. My daughter continues.."It means BACK OFF!!! Get out of my face" and she said it with such force and conviction that I did chuckle a little. I thought well Thank God that is her definition of the middle finger for now and Thank God she did not feel it needed to be proven or demonstrated that morning. But she is not done..oh no there is so much more. She continues..."Did you know we use to have 2 dogs but one died! My brothers say I killed her because I threw a big football and it hit her in the head and she fell down but she had been sick and already had a boo boo on her head. It was not my fault! And did you know that my lip fell off and the doctor picked it up and put it back on (this is another story for different blog) and did you know that my Mom is on Face Book all the time (not true) and sometimes she does not give us baths at night because she is drinking wine and forgets and so she does not wash my hair and my Dad says I look like a homeless child with my dirty knotted hair when he picks me up from preschool (I am dying right now) and did you know my Mom says bad words all the time and needs to give us a dollar every time she does? My brother has $21 right now...and did you know my Mom once..." I am finally done and I stand up fast and start talking louder then her to drown her out and she gives me a dirty look because I stopped her next story mid sentence. My daughter had this look like don't worry I will finish next time..and I know she will..cannot wait. I try to gather my kids and get out of there as fast as possible and avoiding all eye contact

Maybe I will ask if my daughter needs a sedative before getting her teeth cleaned next time.....But not sure that could even stop her..

Vote for me on Top Mommy Bloggers..Click on the button at the top right hand side of my blog. Thank you for all your support!


  1. Bahahaha!! That's hilarious, lol :-D

  2. I swear to you Chewie is 10, & still does that shit!!! My MIL, who despises the fact that I married HNIC, is told all the time that I ignore him, & never get of the internet (thank God she doesn't have FB, or I'd have to block her too), & HNIC never does anything with him either. My Mother (who also sucks) got to try out her best new "eat shit" face while watching him ride off yesterday on his bike, in flip-flops.. Why you may ask, well, because super Nana made him wear a helmet, socks, & shoes to ride the bike she holds hostage at her place! A sedative won't help him, ut it may do me justice ;)

  3. My dd is definitely in the running with your daughter. My mom Used to call Me MOTS (mouth of the South). I started calling my dd MONA (Mouth of Northern Arizona) :)