So this week we had the big day of LOVE...Valentine's Day! Many people have mixed feelings about the day but for Mom's we do not really have a choice but to join the love fest for our children and support this HallMark Holiday. The dreaded note from the teacher came home once again that the classrooms would be celebrating V-Day and to send in a Valentine for every kid in the class and attached is a list of names. The instructions were to either have your child make Valentines at home (yeah okay, get real) or buy them at the store and then each child was to bring in a special snack for that day (for themselves, not the class). Seems pretty clear to me, but apparently the Stepford Mom's read those instructions as a chance to summons their inner Martha Stewart on crack!
So I go the store and pick out a box of Valentines for my kids classes and I have to admit there are some cute ones and most come now with stickers, lollipops, tattoos, pencils or a piece of candy. My son was so excited to get Star Wars Valentines that came with a small magnet for each one which blew away his little Jedi mind. So for $3.99 he thought he was a Rock Star and he was excited to fill out the Valentines for his whole class and I laugh that he would start writing a name and spell it wrong and then cross it out and start over, they were a mess but he was so proud and who cares..it is 1st grade!(The over achievers would probably have a heart attack letting their kids hand in messy Valentines) Then I grabbed my daughter's Hello Kitty Valentines and filled them out really quick because she can barely write and I did not have the patience to go through 18 Valentines with her. So off they went to Celebrate a Day of Love with their classes and I was glad that it was over and I was so proud of myself that I actually managed to get them Valentines and filled out and to their classes.(Rock Star Status and maybe a few MOTY points...maybe)
That night at dinner I ask my kids how their day was at school and did they have fun? I tell them to go get their bags of Valentines so they can show me and tell me all about their Valentine parties. (Yes I can be nice at times and be all motherly, but don't spread that rumor) So they are so excited and bring me cute bags that they decorated at school and inside is all their Valentines. I start to look and for the most part they are normal Valentines we all buy at Target or Walmart, with SpongeBob, Power Rangers, Kittens, Star Wars, Hello Kitty, Disney Princess and on and on. Then of course, there always has to be the couple of over the top Stepford Mom Creations that annoy the crap out of me. What part of following instructions do these Mom's not understand? And do they honestly think the other parents believe their 1st graders did these Valentines?? And why don't these Mom's realize that it only makes trouble for the rest of the Mom's when we have to listen to our kids ask "Why didn't we do ones like that?" And I have to answer "Because we are not on crack!!" I totally understand that some people love to get their craft on and use these Holidays to put their Stepford in Hyper drive and I say "All the Power to you!!" but keep it in your house! And if you cannot help yourself and you cannot follow the directions of the teacher then please send in a disclaimer with your "crack creations" It should say "I am sorry but I cannot help myself! I have a void to fill and need to be an over achiever, I have not worked this out in Therapy yet, but I am trying. I know I will annoy the rest of you Mom's with my over the top Martha Stewart, Good Housekeeping creations!! Also I am in a loveless marriage but need to keep up the perfect perception of the Norman Rockwell family. Also it is not easy being a Stepford Mom I was up until 5am making these perfect Valentines and I will need to take an extra dose of my anti anxiety medication to get through the day!" Then I would be like okay they are crazy but they know it and we can all move on.
So you can take your homemade crafts and shove them where your Son of a Martha Stewart don't shine! And I am going to propose at the next school board meeting that Parent's have a choice to be in a class with Stepford Mom's or not. The class list right now has peanut allergy alerts and I think it should also have Stepford Mom alerts!!
Please answer the following questions?
1. Do you contact the teachers over the summer to be the first to ask to be class Mom?
2.Are your kids dressed perfect everyday with matching outfits and hair perfectly combed?
3.Do you insist on going on every field trip with your child's class?
4.Do you get a teacher gift for every Holiday including Flag Day?
5.Do you actually read to your kid every night for 20 minutes as suggested by the school?
If you answered yes to these questions then an "SM" will be listed next to your child's name on the class list.
But to be fair to the Stepfords they should be warned if their kids are in class with the rift raft of the underachieving wine drinking Mom's.
Please answer the following questions?
1.Does your child ever wear matching clothes to school or have his/her hair combed?
2.Can you be sure your child will never teach another child a swear?
3. Would you rather drink Bloody Mary's and Mimosas then go with your child's class to a farm or pumpkin patch?
4. Do you ever remember to bring a camera or video camera to your child's school plays and Holiday Concerts?
5. Are you the last one to make their way to the Volunteer sign up list and then find it is full? Darn!!!
If you answered yes then call me you are my kind of Mom!!
Okay sorry Cupid but the SM's kicked your a&&..maybe next year buddy!!! Maybe you can compete with the homemade cupcakes from cupcake wars or the homemade flower bouquets made out of Hershey kisses!!!