So I had hit a wall and was at the end of my rope. I just felt like what am I doing wrong? I used to pride myself on keeping it all together and now three kids later..not so much. I think Moms feel that they are suppose to always smile and say how blessed they are with great kids and a great life. And that life can get crazy but it is all good. I started to think these Moms have to be on something and a little blue pill must be behind that smile. Nobody can be a Mom and not be a little crazy! So I had reached a point where I would tell anyone who would listen that I felt like I was losing my mind and the kids were driving me insane! So my sister told me that there was nothing wrong with going to my doctor and looking into getting something to help with all my Mom stress. I used to also pride myself on Parenting with no Prescriptions or Phd, but desperate times called for desperate measures! So I called an made an appointment to see my doctor.
The day of my appointment I felt a bit of relief from the idea of getting some help. I was a little embarrassed but knew I had to do something. I was so stressed and felt like I was yelling at my kids all of the time lately and thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. As I sat in the waiting room I was talking to myself in my head and was telling myself not to back down and I needed to be brutally honest about how stressed I felt. Then I had a flash for a moment and was wondering what if he thinks I am so bad he wants to admit me for an evaluation, and I have heard that they can keep people for up to 48 hours. I actually started to get a little excited at the idea of being sent away for 48 hours, I might be locked up in isolation but what Mom looks at that as a punishment. So as the nurse called me in, I was thinking about my husband getting the call that his wife might be crazy (and he would probably be like tell me something I don't know:)) and needs to be evaluated. I was ready! I can do this! So my doctor comes in and sits down and starts with the usual "So what seems to be the problem? What brought you in here today?" And I couldn't help myself it just came flying out my mouth "I think I am crazy! I think I am losing my mind!" I even startled myself but there was no stopping me now, the flood gates were open and I kept talking "I feel like my heart is racing even when I lay down at night, my hands feel numb, I cry for no reason at random times, I lock myself in the bathroom to get away from my kids, I yell all the time lately, I feel so overwhelmed, I cannot concentrate at work, I feel like I am breathing heavy all the time and I cannot remember anything at all lately..." And then I just started to cry and my doctor stood up with my chart in his hand and came over to put his hand on my shoulder. I started to compose myself and calm down thinking "Now I have really done it! I will be locked up for sure! No turning back now." He had me take a couple of deep breaths and checked my heart rate. He then sat down in front of me and started to laugh. I was shocked! Why is he laughing? What is going on? He then said "There is nothing wrong with you. You are a MOM with three kids and work full time. This is all normal. You are perfectly fine! You are just fine, you have what we medical professionals call "Being a Mom" You might want to work out more or take some yoga classes to help release stress but all is good!" I was still in shock. Was I not clear enough? Did I not look desperate enough? He gave me a pat on the back as I left as if to say "Go get em Girl you got this..get back out there!!"
I walked to my car totally disappointed, no little blue pills were coming my way anytime soon. As I sat in my car ready to go home I started to laugh out loud and could not stop. What a lunatic I must have looked like! And the words kept playing in my head.."Your fine! Your a MOM!!" I drove home thinking I would look into some yoga classes. I will try anything at this point because I guess there is no cure for being a "Mom".