Saturday, March 3, 2012

Just call me Goldie Hawn and I have gone Overboard!

There are times as a Mom that you honestly feel like you are going to crack and really lose it! I often wonder if my husband or kids will find me sitting in a corner drooling and talking gibberish. There is only so much a Mom can take before she is sent to a point of no return. My point was yesterday morning when I was in the midst of total and utter chaos. There are never any real warning signs of these mornings but when they out! So I wake to start my normal routine of madness not knowing it was going to be kicked up to a "Code Red" kind of morning. (I do honestly think red flashing lights are going to start going off in my house on these such days with a loud voice announcing Code Red!! Code Red!!) So I do not even make it to the top of the stairs before my oldest comes out of his room and announces he needs $15 cash this morning for a Basketball Tournament he entered. Okay I do not have $15 on me and as I start to process this as I head downstairs my blind diabetic dog is having a fit and needs to go out, so I let him out. (Might not remember to let him in again) So I decide I need to run up the street to get money from the ATM so I run outside and discover my car is frozen and covered with snow from the latest snow storm. I pour hot water on the door to pry it open and start the car to try and warm it up. I run back inside to find my other two maniacs up and asking for breakfast and talking about school and their lunches and then start to ask a million questions. My oldest comes down and says he is going to be late, I tell him to watch the other two because I have to run and get his cash. I get in my car that is still covered in snow and make my way to the ATM barely with limited visibility because there was no time to brush off car and get it clean. I make my way back and run in triumphant with money in hand and my son announces that his ride left because I was not back and I now needed to drive him to the High School. Great! Now my time is already set back and I am so behind. I tell the other two I will be back in 5 minutes. As we run back out of the house he tells me the milk was bad in his cereal and not to use it..another Great! As I think of what to give the kids for breakfast. I drop him off and run back home to figure out breakfast with no milk for cereal and decide to make pancakes, as I open the pancake mix I drop it and white powder goes all over my kitchen and it looked like a winter wonderland. I am about ready to snap at this point. Then as I try to clean and salvage some pancake mix to squeak out 2 pancakes and feed the kids my son asks where Taz the dog is and I panic!! I never let him back in. I have flashes of him being lost or hit by a car...I throw on boots and race outside to find my blind dog in the snow. My two little ones follow me out the door crying that their dog is lost and how could I forget about him. Good Lord!! Not sure how I could possibly forget anything in my calm , tranquil life. I search and search realizing I am never going to make it time to get my son on the bus and drop my daughter at preschool and get to work for a meeting. I am cursing my blind dog in my head and finally we find him in snow bank cold and scared. I carry his morbidly obese body home through the snow with two happy kids. Back home I start the pancake process again and as I am flipping pancakes I start school lunches and snacks. I throw the pancakes at my kids and tell them to eat quick as I grab clothes for them to put on..all the time saying "Hurry up, let's quick..come on..brush your teeth..get your backpack.." Then I go back to the lunches, pancake mix still covering my counters and peanut butter and bread flying everywhere as my son starts telling me he is going to miss his bus. I tell him to open the front door and flag the bus to stop as I literally threw things in a bag and tossed him his lunch out the door! As I turned to run back in and get myself dressed I looked around at the disaster I call my house and sat down and started to laugh. (More like a crazy laugh instead of a humor laugh) All I could think of was Goldie Hawn in the Movie Overboard with Kurt Russell. The scene where she wakes up and is trying to get the kids ready for school and make lunches and she is putting M&M's in the peanut butter sandwiches and throws everything in a bag not even wrapped up and she does not know the kids names and is like "I do not think I belong here" That is how I felt yesterday and I actually wondered if maybe I was not meant to be going through this madness and maybe there was a yacht waiting for me somewhere and this was all a dream or maybe I had lost my memory. I think many Moms must feel most days that they do not belong in their crazy houses and maybe this is really not happening! And then the kids find her in the corner drooling and talking gibberish and they tell their Dad (Kurt Russell) and picks her up and dumps her in a cold bath to snap her out of it.  So as I continue to run around like a mad woman I continued to laugh and think.."Maybe I will be thrown in an ice bath when my family finds me in the corner drooling and babbling" Because it is only a matter of time and I am not Goldie Hawn and I checked that morning to make sure my husband was not Kurt Russell while he slept in bed. Okay back to the grind..not sure that yacht is out there waiting for me!!

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