Tuesday, November 1, 2011

So when did the bathroom become the new spa?

It is one of those days that has turned into one of those nights where bedtime cannot come soon enough and your Mom patience level is at the limit and the breaking point is coming! And coming fast! I need a break..I want a break...I want to have a mommy tantrum...but wait...there is an answer...the bathroom!! oh yes...my little retreat. I grab a glass of wine and a magazine and run into the bathroom..lock the door behind me and finally I am alone! I start to relax and take a couple of deep breaths..sit on the floor with my wine and then I hear it in the distance.."Where's Mom?"..oh no they have noticed I am gone. It is so annoying that kids have this sense when Mom has disappeared. They will never realize they are the reason Mom's disappear but yes they notice. Now the house is on high alert and everyone including the dog must find Mom! So annoying! The voices become louder and closer as they check every room.."Mom! Mom! Mom where are you?' I do not answer..I am in my hideout and I am very mature I know, but I will not give in until I absolutely have to. Finally I hear them approach and I see the doorknob turn and then when the door does not open I hear it "Mom are you in there? The door is locked" ..I really want to say.."No shit Sherlock because I locked it to keep you gremlins out!" but I am trying to meet Mother of the Year status so I take the mature road..wait for it..I respond "I am pooping! Give me a minute..it is bad I wouldn't come in here if I were you." I hear them as they retreat saying "Let's get out of here..so gross!" and I am alone! Yes I have won! I continue to sip my wine and read my magazine..I am in the Mom spa!

Okay so as I sit in my spa I do realize that life has taken a very funny turn, as I have said before the life of a Mom is very glamorous. I remember the days before kids where the talk of poop would never happen and to actually freely admit that you had to poop was never going to happen. It was all a mystery and our signifcant others probably thought we were freaks of nature and just happened to be the only girls that did not poop. Yeah right. I think my husband is now wishing and longing for those days instead of the current days were poop talk is frequent and common conversation. I learned  pretty quick as a Mom the only topic that keeps your family at a safe distance is the talk of gross bathroom habits and the talk of #2!! The more time you need the grosser it has to be! It does not matter if you are exhausted and going on no sleep they will be all over you, it does not matter if you have the worse head cold and want to die..again they will be right next to you asking for a juice box..so when desperate times call for desperate measures you need to go to the talk of stomach cramps and I am going to be in the bathroom awhile. I am sure my family thinks I need to see a specialist at this point but I do not care. I have even brought a pillow in and laid on the floor for a quick nap. These moments of peace do not come without a price of course, you need to develop a thick skin from the embarassment of your family sharing your bathroom habits with anyone who will listen, but so worth it!

So ladies..grab a glass of wine, a pillow, a good book or magazine and head to the one place nobody wants to follow you...the Mom Spa!!


  1. You never cease to amaze me...too funny.

  2. The Mom Spa is not even sacred for me.