Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Santa Claus is Coming to town and he is Pis*** off!

I love this time of year with all the festive music and lights and sugar plumbs dancing.....wait a minute...back it up...let's get real!! We Mom's love this time of year for the mother of all cards we get to play in this lovely game of motherhood. The SANTA CARD!!! Like I have said before I would start using it at the 4th of July if I could. And I feel the santa card is coming out earlier and earlier..the minute Halloween candy is out of the house it seems pretty reasonable and like I care if it is or not. This is a game of survival folks and whatever can give us any help or an edge over our kids..we will take it! So yes the Santa card was pulled out for the first time of the season last night and it was wonderful to utter those words and stop my kids dead in their tracks. As they are fighting with each other and not listening to me for the 10th time to get upstairs and get ready for bed it happened.."You guys do realize that Santa is watching and he is always watching and he is not going to be happy that you are fighting and not listening to your mother!" They stop and with wide eyes look around as if to see hidden cameras and then start to make every excuse in the book as to why they had not been listening and blaming each other as they run upstairs to get their pajamas on in record fast time. As they are in the bathroom brushing their teeth I listen to their conversation outside the door. My 7year old son tells his little sister "This is no joke we have to stop fighting or Santa will not bring presents!" And my 4 year old daughter's response is "Yeah Santa is going to be Pis*** at us!" At this point I am aware there is still work to be done on her truck driver language but I cannot stop laughing that I have turned poor Santa into a mean, scary figure holding a candy cane waiting for them to mess up. From November 1st to December 25th I must use the Santa card at least 5 times a day to help get kids to eat, get dressed timely, not miss the bus, do homework, not fight with each other, take baths, and go to sleep with no fights. It is a wonderful and powerful card that goes something like this.."Santa is watching, he is not going to be happy, he is looking for good boys and girls,,on and on.." I realize I am probably raising paranoid kids being told they are being watched 24-7 by a jolly fat guy in a red suit and they are future candidates for prozac but right now if it helps me..I will take it!! And the saddest day ever is when that annoying kid in school ruins it for all Mom's and drops the bomb that Santa is not real!!! NO!!!! And we try to repair that statement as long as we can...I am still trying to use the Santa card on my 16 year old.

So as I still have time to use the Santa card I am proposing some other cards that can help us throughout the year..why not? Like a great pumpkin King for the fall and a magical Tom the Turkey to get through Thanksgiving and cupid through Valentines Day and then move onto some scary leprechauns to carry us to St. Patricks Day. Again whatever helps us navigate our days! So enjoy this Holiday Season and the magic of the Santa Card!

But watch out Santa is coming to town and according to my daughter he is PIS***!!

1 comment:

  1. Love this. It is so true. But how do we do it the rest of the year.