Yes the life of a Mom is so glamorous! It is like walking the red carpet everyday and paparazzi wanting to track your every move..okay not so much!! It is more like a Reality Show on crack and also a Reality Show nobody wants to watch. So I start everyday hopeful that I will not lose anymore MOTY points and maybe actually gain a few...I dare to dream! (or I like to set myself up for failure)
So as we are not even done with breakfast I have already used "Because I said so..that is why!..Don't make me come in there! ..Finish your food there are starving kids in the world!" As I walk away I start to laugh at myself and think how did this happen? And why am I such a lunatic? (don't answer that) It takes me back to my childhood and thinking what a nut my Mom was when she went on her out bursts because we drove her to the brink of madness, and I swore I would never use those stupid lines. Fast forward and here I am and let me tell you those Mommy sayings are a girl's best friend some days. And how fun, they never go out of style and it is part of the welcome package given when you join the Motherhood club. I am surprised they don't hand booklets out at the Hospital so you can be well versed and have a study guide after your kids are born. Oh wait I know why, because as you hold your sweet bundle of joy you cannot imagine them ever annoying you and the idea of yelling at them is unthinkable..Get real!! And believe it! So as I go through the card catalog in my head of all the wonderful lines and touch upon some oldie but goodies I am armed and ready for the day.
I am trying to quickly finish the dishes, some laundry and a bit of cleaning so I do not end up on the hoarders show, when I cannot ignore the screams coming from the other room any longer. My 7 year old son and 4 year old daughter have obviously decided to turn the living room into a WWF cage death match, with my 16 year old son in the middle blissfully unaware as he plays his video games. I am so annoyed and cannot stand the fact that I cannot even have 5 minutes of peace. That is it, I am done and head to the living room with my red eyes glowing and teeth clenched. As I arrive I decide to yell over the crying and fighting "I am going to give all of you something to cry about!!" (What does that mean exactly? What would I really do? Nothing..but it sounds good at the time) They stop and look at me for a second with a bit of fear on their faces, not sure what to say or do and then my 4 year old daughter says "Mom you need to get some new lines!!" Her brothers look a little scared and shocked like, oh no she did not just say that! And wait for my reaction, but then they all just start laughing! I walk away before they can see me laugh. Great! I am losing my touch! My mommy lines are not working! Well I am not going to give them up and I will continue to use them until they get married!! And then when they become parents I will pass the torch..:)
Don't make me pull this car over...Do you think I am joking?..Don't make me count to 3! Don't let me get to the number 3...oh so fun!