Hello..This is the school nurse..don't panic!!

So the New Year looks to be shaping up much like the last year and the one before that! I look around and see yes I still have three kids living in my house, so not much will be changing for 2012.

So I get a call from the school nurse today for my seven year old son and she always starts by saying "Hi Mrs. O'Neill this is Mrs. Blah blah the school nurse..no need to panic!!! Just need to let you know your son came in complaining his hands were a little chapped and red, I gave him some lotion and he went back to class. All is good! Thanks" I want to back her up and be like first of all I am not in a panic and not sure why you have to say that every time. I am more annoyed then panic stricken because anytime a Mom gets the school nurse phone call we are like "Do we need to come get them? Do I need to leave work? Is my day going to be all messed up?" And for stay at home Mom's, they must be like "This is my time and those kids need to stay at school! :)" I really feel that there needs to be a list where the only calls that are made is if it involves Puke, Poop, Blood or Broken bones! I know it is not the school nurses fault, I do realize it is regulation and protocol because there are the Mom's of little Johnnie and Susie that would freak if they were not notified if their kids sneezed during school. So I explain to the school nurse that yes my son gets dry skin in the winter months on his hands and they have been bothering him because he has not been wearing his gloves at recess and it is really cold out! So I told her to tell him he is a dumb*** and put his gloves on and too bad so sad..no just kidding I said Thank you, but I was thinking it.

I actually feel really bad for school nurses to be honest and I would be fired the first week if that was my job. How annoying to have a stream of kids all day long telling you they don't feel good and then having to call their parents and go through the 10 phone numbers between home, work, cell phones and emergency neighbors, relatives and friends to let them know they gave their kid a band aid or they bumped heads with another kid at recess. Good Lord!! Give Me a Break! It reminds me of when my oldest son was in the third grade and he honestly went to the school nurses office everyday from Kindergarten to Third grade and sometimes ate his lunch in her office and I think he thought it was some kind of club med spa retreat. I finally told him in true MOTY fashion that he no longer could go the office unless he was puking his guts out or had explosive diarrhea! So he never went again and he is now a Junior in High School and I am sure it will all come out in therapy some day.

I would actually love to cover the school nurses office for one week and whip those kids into shape! I would make sure that those kids only came for true emergency situations. As the kids came in I would be like "Did you puke? Did you poop your pants? I do not see any blood!" And they would be like, "I don't feel good, or I bumped my knee at recess or my head kind of hurts!" I think I would be like "You think you have problems, I have not slept good in 16 years, I have three loads of laundry backed up at my house, I have no idea what to make for dinner tonight, and I have the worse PMS right now I could kill someone and I am pretty sure if your parents wanted you home during school hours they would have home schooled you! " And by then little Johnnie or Susie would be so confused and have no idea what I was talking about that they would just stare at me and I would say "Okay then go back to class and have a good day." I would love to hear these kids go home and tell their parents they did not feel well today and have them ask "Oh no, are you okay? Did you go to the school nurse? What did she say?" and they say "She told me she had PMS!!" Like I said, I would be fired, but it would be fun to live life, like a walking Saturday Night Live skit!!

So I tell my 7 year old we need to put extra lotion on tonight before bed and he says "That's okay, I can just go to the nurse tomorrow if they hurt!" And I say "I don't think that is a good idea she might have cramps and not be up for it!" He stops and looks at me very confused and I say "Forget it!" and I laugh to myself!

So I wait until my next phone call from the school nurse and I try not to panic....